Found out about A several months ago. Immediately separated after it happened, but spouse lives nearby. Tried to reconcile but WS refused to maintain NC. Spouse has requested D on two occasions but changed mind within a few days. After last D request, decided to do a 180 with no contact. This led to her coming over one night asking for R after discovering that I would be moving away for a new job. This was after I severed contact between the two. She is currently on the fence about reconciling. I have rarely contacted spouse recently. I leave in a few weeks. I get an e-mail or text from her many days about our house, pet, or other stuff. I miss her very much, and I am still willing to R. I suspect it'll be a while till spouse comes to her senses. Still isn't really apologetic about A. Thoughts on what I should do. The contact I get reminds me of spouse's existence and makes me want to make contact.
Do you have any kids together? Is she still involved with the OM? If you have no kids together then I would stay very dim to dark. She can send as many texts or emails as she wants. You are required to respond to none. I would collect the texts and emails and respond to maybe every 5th one with one big response. I would only respond to the important issues, for instance financial issues relating to the house. I would ignore texts regarding something cute fluffy her cat did.
If she is staying in contact, she is trying to keep you on the hook. If the OM is gone and she is willing to prove it, then you could allow more contact. If OM is still in the picture go even darker than you have been. If she questions you on this, tell her you will interact with her when the OM is gone.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
No kids, and I believe that the involvement with the OM is done. My suspicion is based on a statement from WS during a tearful meltdown(marginally credible), the fact that WS is always trying to keep the pet at WS place (for company), and that WS continuously is traveling on weekends to avoid being alone (slightly more credible). Not sure if I want to ask for more proof that A is over since there has been little remorse at this point. Contact is mostly stuff related to joint possessions, although I get messages regarding keeping a pet overnight. It is annoying to have such conduct cause it reminds me of WS's existence. I feel that WS is trying to keep me on the hook, even though WS is "not sure" about staying married.
Do you have any kids together? Is she still involved with the OM? If you have no kids together then I would stay very dim to dark. She can send as many texts or emails as she wants. You are required to respond to none. I would collect the texts and emails and respond to maybe every 5th one with one big response. I would only respond to the important issues, for instance financial issues relating to the house. I would ignore texts regarding something cute fluffy her cat did.
If she is staying in contact, she is trying to keep you on the hook. If the OM is gone and she is willing to prove it, then you could allow more contact. If OM is still in the picture go even darker than you have been. If she questions you on this, tell her you will interact with her when the OM is gone.
Agree with this ^ 100%, as well as Down's last post, too. Smells like faux remorse/crocodile tears to me. BEWARE.
Thought I was going to be good over the weekend. Then got another message from WS just checking. The pet is jointly owned. I was supposed to keep the pet until any D or when I leave. However, WS comes by to take the pet about half the nights because WS needs the company. I spend most of the time either working or trying to occupy myself. It works pretty well.
It sounds like your pet is the main obstacle to your going NC. I would suggest you either keep the pet and not allow her overnights with your pet, or let her have the pet full-time whichever is your preferred choice.
No, there's more than the pet, there's the pet and the house that we own. It is going on the market and has to be prepped for sale. The agreement was for me to keep the pet as long as I was in the house and give it to her once I left. The problem has been twofold. First, she has been coming to see the pet and keep it overnight at her house. I think that's because she likes the company. Second is having to get the house sold. This is an unfortunate fact that I have to deal with apparently. I do not enjoy it cause it is a way for her to stay connected to me and remind me of her existence.
Jumpy, how are you doing with No Contact? I think there must be a way for you to both work on the house and exchange the pet without seeing each other but you have to follow through.
I am stuck seeing my WAH now and forever and ever since we have a baby together, but before our son was born, we arranged to not be in the house at the same time (also, he was working on the house) and just left written notes to communicate.
It was torture for me for the first 3 days, then got a little more doable, and by the end of 10 days I was doing fine. You can do it too! All my progress was undone once the baby was born though, but at least I had a good excuse. :-)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
