Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
I need a quick straw poll;

Should we have any physical contact with a WAW.
Me & my WAW hug when she leaves.

Should I continue.

Regards,
Gyn




Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Take what you need,
And be on your way and,
Stop crying your heart out.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,299
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,299
No, tell her that you don't want to confuse the situation or give her the wrong idea.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
Your wife is shacked up with another guy living at her brothers.
She was crying over and choosing another man over you in a hospital bed. You need to develop some confidence in yourself as an individual to regain control in your marital relationship.

If physical contact is going to allow your wife to direct your emotional connection to her, it would be best that you completely avoid her until you can answer that question for yourself. Now if she was to end all contact and communication with this guy and move back home to work on your relationship, I am a firm believer that sex fixes everything.

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
Thank you for your advice.

I have umm'd and aaah'd over this for a few days now.

It feels so wrong to reject the hugs.

But as I have read, a lot of things are counter intuitive.

Tonight I gave the merest touch possible in the hug.
She noticed.
There was rejection in the 'Ohhh' she made when we hugged.
I have to man up and stop the hugging.
They are giving me the wrong message, and that we still have some 'connection'.

Regards,
Gyn.




Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Take what you need,
And be on your way and,
Stop crying your heart out.
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,299
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,299
Quote:
I am a firm believer that sex fixes everything.


I heard a oldtimer reply to that once: "yeah, well you've never been in jail with your face against the bars saying, "No Bubba, No!"

laugh


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,866
Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
I am a firm believer that sex fixes everything.


I heard a oldtimer reply to that once: "yeah, well you've never been in jail with your face against the bars saying, "No Bubba, No!"

laugh


OMG. you are the funniest.

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42
I've read in other posts that if you have the chance to be intimate that may help the WAS feel more comfortable and begin re-establishing the connection?

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
Squeel like a pig boy.

SQEEUUL! grin




Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Take what you need,
And be on your way and,
Stop crying your heart out.
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 173
But in many other posts,it has been written, the WAW has to accept some sense of loss before attempting reconnection.

Otherwise, what can they compare their reconnection against their loss - how do you measure its value and worth?

Regards,
Gyn.




Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away,
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Take what you need,
And be on your way and,
Stop crying your heart out.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Every sitch is different. You're going to have to judge for yourself what works best in your sitch. There are some WASs who complain that the LBS was too clingy so in those cases you back off. If your WAS is suffering from depression or is feeling alone, then you lend them support, but not too much.

What would work is if you wrote down what YOU want to happen (a goal). Then jot down what you are going to do to achieve that. Give it a couple of weeks of hard effort and if it doesn't work, then try something different.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5