Get the keylogger. Can you check her phone while she is in the shower? She was texting alot and I busted an IM convo online. If there is an EA or PA, it's a game changer. Once I uncovered it and confronted her, it changed everything (I realize it will be different for everyone). In my case it was a cry for help more than anything I think. At a minimum snatch it for a minute when you can and rifle through the texts. Puppy has a good nose.
You've got a good crew with more experience and knowledge than me giving you advice. It sounds like your doing better than I was.
If you know she wants to talk, see what she has to say. Shut it down if it isn't relevant. Avoid getting baited into anything because she could be looking for a reason to find more fault with you to justify herself. That is what was happening to me for awhile....use Coach's line to open the door for you.
Your 180s are probably still working. She has just adjusted her game face so you see nothing. Remember to not be too cold, just happy and warm, but not needy and end interactions first leaving her wanting more. This was a balance that was tough for me because I was such a wreck for a month. If you can't act that way then avoid if possible until you can....I think you get my point. It had been said a million times here much more eloquently.
I read some books like DR in the other room and she knew. I mentioned it once when she looked interested but didn't get too into it and didn't really bring it up again. If she sees the title than it might turn her off...it's passive aggressive. I left it as, I'm reading things that I think will help make me a better person and implement positive lasting changes...nuff said.
I know the sleeping in the same bed bit. I did almost a month in different beds. When I busted the A, I moved back into my room...she stayed. My wife is hot and would rub it in my face and walk all over naked...trust me I know the feeling.
Me: 30 W: 29 D: 20 months M: 5 years T: 6.5 years ILYBNILWY and want to separate: 10/5/2009
As far as the question of EA. I have gotten ahold of the cell phone. All text history and call history are gone??? HHMMMM.
I did find a number of a guy in there I do not know??
I wrote the number down and tried one of those reverse call sites on it. Payed my $14.00 and it told me it was unlisted.
I phoned it and some guy answer but what do I do with that?
She is looking for a job right now as she is currently a SAHM and if she moves out will need one.
Since we are moving to a fairly small town I do have an idea to investigate this further will try after I get home tonight.
Computer is a lost cause she knows I am watching too carefully and it would be cell if anything.
She has not brought up the do you want to talk thing again so far.
Seems to be focused on packing.
It is good for me in a sense that we are moving. For one thing it will keep her in the house for a while. I told her we must get the kids into their new schools and routine before they get the next bomb. A new town was hard enough on them.
The other good thing is she has NO support there. No family nothing only me.
Check out SnoopCard.com. You can call any number and tell the system what incorrect/phony/whatever incoming number to display on the receiving phone's caller id. You can call suspected OM's number "from" your wife's number and see what kind of greeting you get ("Hi, sexy!"). Conversely, you can call your wife's phone "from" suspected OM's phone number and see how she answers ("Hello there, stud").
They even give you a free trial call. And you can get the free trial call every time you log onto the site (therefore virtually unlimited "free" calls without subscribing to the service).
A P.I. I used told me about this gem
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I started a converstion asking if she had thought about counselling and what not.
We had a decent enough conversation about it for a few minutes then she started to get mad and say the usual bs like I am not attracted to you, how can I live with someone I don't like.
We both retreated to our corners.
Okay and here is another thing.
She really likes it when I am smilling an nice to her. The problem I have with it is that reminds me of the good times and makes me feel like there is some hope to reconcilliation and it makes me want to ask if she has changed her mind.
Last night I just bolted out of the house and went for a drive. Of course when I come back it's "where were you"?
I went out blah blah blah,
During that drive I got a bit bitter and resentful.
When I came back I was distant and not talkative. It threw her and she didn't like it.
I seemed to gain the upper hand emotionally.
Today while I was packing in the garage she came in and was talking. I gave my usual distant answer. She said what happened to the smiles? I replyed well my family and marriage is disentgrating I'm so happy. She didn't like that.
I guess my question is which one should I be:
Distant or Happy?
She wants happy but I seem to loose some emotional power.
Distant she doesn't like but I feel like she may decide she won't want to be with that distant person.
Today I am not very full of hope that this will work out. I guess for now I need to shelve that hope and take it down and look at it later.
She really likes it when I am smilling an nice to her. The problem I have with it is that reminds me of the good times and makes me feel like there is some hope to reconcilliation and it makes me want to ask if she has changed her mind.
If there's one thing I've learned -- and it came the hard way -- it is to not ask her if she's changed her mind.
If she wants to get out, make her do the work. If you want her back, make her come to you.
It's easier said than done.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
She really likes it when I am smilling an nice to her. The problem I have with it is that reminds me of the good times and makes me feel like there is some hope to reconcilliation and it makes me want to ask if she has changed her mind.
If there's one thing I've learned -- and it came the hard way -- it is to not ask her if she's changed her mind.
If she wants to get out, make her do the work. If you want her back, make her come to you.
It's easier said than done.
Thankyou this is completely true. Hard but the right way to go about it.
