YOU two need to sit down and make a list of separations. Decide what you are comfortable with. Thats what H and I did. We should have set more, but didnt. So some things were confusing.
I don't wear my ring, but not sure if H does or not. Ever since he said he wanted a D, I decided it just hurt more to wear them..
Thanks for the replies. I'm not comfortable with any of this. W was sneaking around behind my back going on dates before we even S...so I guess I know where we stand with that issue. As for the ring, I'm still wearing it. I guess I'll wear it until one of us files for D...until I see my W not wearing hers...or until I just don't feel like wearing it anymore.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
I agree with VH on both issues. Wear the ring as long as you are comfortable wearing it. Whether your W does or not shouldn't have any impact on whether you wear your's or not.
My WAW removed hers the second she walked out the door. Last time we went down this path, she removed it while still living with me, and started dating immediately.
That time, I wore mine until I found out that she was with someone else, which was about 20 months after her bomb drop. Up until that point, I never had any intention of seeing anyone else. I wasn't going to be the one to destroy what was left of the marriage at that point. I knew that if she did decide to reconcile, and she hadn't been with anyone else, she'd have HUGE issues with me having done it, and, to be honest, the thought of meangingless, animalistic sex just for sex sake never interested me anyway, and I sure wasn't going to develop a relationship with someone else while were were still married and living together.
This time, I don't know whether she's seeing anyone or not. I suspect that she is, but it really doesn't matter. I don't feel comfortable removing the ring yet, even though she has. There will come a time, but just not yet. I frankly find it pretty disrespectful and immature that SHE's so quick to remove hers.
I still wear my ring, although I will admit I have removed it at times out of frusturation and reasons I shouldn't have through this process. But I have put it back on and will continue to wear it whether my W wears hers or not. It is a personal choice of mine.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I wore my wedding ring for 18 months after stbx and I separated. I just didn't feel like I was ready to take it off. After 18 months and a particularly painful incident, I was ready, I took it off, and have not put it back on in seven months.
Don't date unless you are ready to let go completely. You never know if it will bite you in the butt or not. If you are ready to date, then go for it. But since it is pretty quick after the S, I would advise against it.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im debating on the same thing. My WAS and I have been separated for 2 mths. She said she was going to keep wearing her ring, she had it on the last time I saw her (2 weeks ago). We are getting a D though, she has been very clear on that. In the beginning, I wanted to wear my ring until we signed the divorce papers, but now I am thinking about taking it off. Im in the process of detaching from my W, and the ring is just another thing that connects me to her. She knows I am moving on, making plans, etc, but nothing has changed in our sitch. I thought about how she would react if I stopped wearing the ring, and Im not sure she would even care. She has so much anger and resentment, I dont think it would make a difference. But then again, Ive been against the D since day one and would do anything to try and make it work. Keeping the ring on would symbolize that I havent given up, does that make sense?
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
I've suddenly found it remarkably simple to not only remove the ring, but to contact a divorce attorney and launch into ending the marriage myself. I just learned that she's left me for the same deadbeat loser that she was with the first time she did this. That's it. I'm done. I want nothing to do with this utterly diseased woman anymore. She can have him and he her. They're a match made in fricking heaven.
I'm moving forward as quickly as I can now, and it feels GREAT! For the first time in YEARS, I'm not in limbo! I know precisely what I'm doing, and am doing it as aggressively as I can!
Hopefully, I'll be able to file the bankruptcy within a week, and immediately after that, I'll draw the divorce papers and have her served. I want custody of our kids (D-11 and S-17), and as long as she's living for free in the spare bedroom of a convicted felon, she doesn't have a leg to stand on.
I'm going to legally gut her like the pig she is, and leave her emotionally dismembered this time. She has no idea that a speeding locomotive is going to be smacking her right square in the face in the next few weeks! I'd PAY to see the look on her face when she greets the sheriff at her place of work, and opens up that packet!
Sorry...don't mean to spoil others' wishes for reconciliation and I wish those of you who truly want their marriages to work all the best with your efforts, but I couldn't help but show off my newfound joy in FINALLY seeing light at the end of the tunnel, after 8 long, dreadful, miserable, loveless years with a very sick woman!
By next spring or early summer, I intend to move about 30 miles away and closer to work, with my daughter, and will start a brand new life with her there, without the sick one. I'm going to stash money away over the next several months, so that I can go craigslist shopping for "new" furniture and furnishings, and leave the garbage behind for her.
My D and I are going to have a terrific life. I'll make plenty of money to support us both very comfortably, we'll be living with easy access to some fantastic attractions, such as museums, two zoos, art galleries, live theaters, etc., and I'll use the child support money that my stupid WAW pays to set up a 529 fund for her college education!
And, at some point down the line, God be willing, I'll suddenly and without warning meet the most beautiful, loving woman in the world, and will fall madly in love with her and her with me, right about the time my WAW is heading to prison for her third DUI!
