Trying LRT - Please Help!

[Lll54]

Well you have the right mind set at least. Yes you may taken a step back, but hey everybody does. One thing that came out of it is the lesson you learned. You can take something out of the mistake you may have made. That's always good! Now you know for next time, and definitely won't make this mistake again. Look at it as a simple two step on the dance floor. You took a step back, but when the beat was heard you took that step forward instantaneously.

[Gardener]

mo3,

I know that this is over a month away, but I just feel so...I can't even find the right words. I realize this is just a pity party right now, but can't help it.

Loving in-laws. Part of the collateral damage of these sitches. Feeling it now myself. Sucks.((()))

[Gardener]

And fwiw, here's my upcoming holiday (hell)hole:

Then the christmas decoration boxes, with stepson's 3rd grade macaroni and silver painted star. Every Christmas Eve it was the last decoration to go up. He would put it up (he's 6'4") and every year as he did it I would say,

"Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
StepS, hang the brightest star atop the highest bough!"

I will miss that this year. They will, too, I'm sure.

[Gardener]

MO3
Pls go see SpyBunny/CounselingConundrums even if you don't know entire sitch. Needs help.

[motherof3]

Why do I let my emotions and thoughts about H consume me? How can I go from one extreme to another so quickly? Yesterday was a good, happy day. Then today the tears just keep coming. Why can't I just let him go? Seems to me that would just be the easiest, least painful thing to do. Why even bother hoping our R will end up on a positive note? What's the point?

No event happened to trigger this. Just deep in my own thoughts, I guess. Please help me. Please pray for me. I am having a hard time holding it together today.

[TrentC]

Why do I let my emotions and thoughts about H consume me? How can I go from one extreme to another so quickly? Yesterday was a good, happy day. Then today the tears just keep coming. Why can't I just let him go? Seems to me that would just be the easiest, least painful thing to do. Why even bother hoping our R will end up on a positive note? What's the point?

And in some cases, you may need to let him go, at least in principle, in order for things to get better.

As for why you would want your relationship to be positive, you've been married for nine years; no one should give up on that much history without fighting for it.

At worst, you will be able to hold your head high and say that you did everything you could.

[Serenity13]

MO3 ~

Just checking in on you to see how you are today?

(((Hugs)))

[motherof3]

Thanks for checking in on me. I am doing much better now. Just finished ready Kara's new thread: Convention - 2010. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

[2B_2_AS_1]

Hey MO3,

Totally understand you having difficulties in hanging in there. I feel about the same way, so you are def not alone in feeling like that. It is so tough when you get so close and just want to resolve everything. Hang in there. You are doing the right things and your M is def worth fighting for.

[motherof3]

Yesterday I had a low point and drafted an email to some supportive friends who know my sitch. The only problem is that these close friends' husbands are also good friends with my H. We used to be couple friends I guess. Anyway I opted not to send my email as I didn't want H to end up finding out what I am feeling at this point. Below is what I intended t send, but didn't.

I have resigned myself to the fact that H is probably involved with OW. According to everything that I have read and my therapist, most divorces stem from the 3 A's: Abuse, Addiction, Adultery. As H is neither an abuser or addict and all his actions indicate that he is done with our marriage, I am going to have to go with number three. I have never found any proof or suspected anything previously, but I never predicted are current situation either. H has denied this accusation on several occasions, not only to me, but also his family and several counselors. Even so, I have been told and believe that cheaters lie. In addition, he does travel for a handful of days each month (more so in the last couple of months due to job requirement) and works with numerous different women some of which are quite attractive, in my opinion. No matter how much I don't want this to be true somewhere deep down I will always wonder. After all, how do you walk away from a 9 year marriage that will affect not only me, but also three beautiful children for the rest of their lives? Being a product of divorced parents myself, I also vowed that this would never happen to me or my children. Boy, I guess I was wrong. I no longer trust H and without trust you can't really build a relationship.

With that said, part of me still really wants our M to be saved. Seems kind of crazy to constantly be going from one extreme to another. Some days I feel that I have done everything under my control to turn things around. Some days I feel that I am done trying as I am not receiving anything in return. Some days I want to take my wedding ring off and not feel guilty about it. Some days I lose all hope for a reconciliation. It is on these days that I feel so alone and just want the hurt to stop. Why torture myself and strive for something when there may not be a happy ending for our marriage. Then on my good days I think, 'yes, my M is worth all of this pain and effort'. Yes, I want this to work out. However, I am starting to have fewer and fewer of these kinds of days.