I want my WAW back!

[Steve McQueen]

Hey Puppy, early in my post you and a few others warned me about the possibility of W having an EA or PA. At this point, I almost wish she has one.

No. you dont!

[futureunknown]

Who, ME? Warning people of an OM/OW??? Nooooo . . . .

Puppy, I wasn't on the board at the beginning of my sitch, but if I had been, and had I described it, you would have been insisting there is an OM. I would have said no way, no way, no way. There is no way my W could have OM, she's either at work, with me, or at home with the kids. When could she possibly be seeing an OM?

You would have been right. Good ole Internet brought him half way around the world and right into my home. The rules have changed.

[sam_oc]

Steve M, you bring up many good points. I have noticed when I cut her off or am in a hurry when dropping s5, that she is flustered and thinking where is he going in such a hurry. She's responded by asking if I had a date, or has made comments that I'm partying alot. The fact is, I am GALing and having fun.

But, this last conversation I did slip, as Puppy pointed out, and went too far by complimenting her on being a good wife.

What's amazing is that I do see the results of detaching--the more I distance myself, the more she gets to thinking about what's going on with me. She's more curious. As hard as it is for me to do this, I will be more detached and distant. But, are you suggesting that I start dating?

Really, I wish she has an OM. It would really make her look bad in front of family/friends that she's so careful to paint this "I'm innocent in this whole thing". I angered me was she telling everyone that it was a mutual breakup. BS.

[sam_oc]

Or she may just have gas and looking at you like, "you really got to leave I need to fart." Or she is probably just thinking, "Oh gawd, not another desperate scheme."

First part--thanks for the chuckle.
Second part--eye opener. I feel pathetic if she's thinking I'm desparate. I shouldn't have complimented her--she wanted to know if I still cared and this proved it. Seems like I lost a couple of months of detaching efforts. She was beginning to lose leverage and now she gained it back. Darn it!

[Deep]

Sam, while it is important for the LBS to gain at least some control back, I'm not sure if it is useful or healthy to keep track of "the score" as you seem to be doing.

And you wish your W has OM? Do you have any concept what you're saying? You're inviting a devastating amount of pain, anger, and emasculation on a personal level and huge added complexity to your DB efforts so that your W might "look bad" to other people (some of whom mean little to your M)?

What is it that you really, really want here?

[sam_oc]

Deep: I feel I am impatient. I do want to save M. But it just seems like climbing Mt. Everest. I just feel that if she does have OM, I may give up and continue with my life. In the back of my mind, I know that the reality of an OM will devastate me.
I was really angry when she played the 'innocent' victim that having an OM would make everyone realize what she's done.

I was sailing along detaching, but then lately I have been utterly confused. My emotions have been all over the place. I think I'm having a hard time with my first holidays without my family.

DR and detaching has been the only thing that seems to be turning her attitude around. I've read and tried other books, but I realized they were pursuing.

What do I really really want? I want to continue with my life, with or without W. I still love W, even if it may be without her. I am impatient and DR requires patience. I need to be patient because there's no other alternatives.

Deep, thanks for your reply.

[sam_oc]

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

Well, Christmas came early this year. If fact, it came on Thanksgiving. I had s5 for the day, and in the evening I brought him back to W who was at her parent's house for dinner. For the first time since she left last July, W was very different. She was very kind. She invited me in and her family tried to make me eat, at least some dessert. Then I headed towards the door, she hugged me. I told her that she looked really good, and to my surprise, she returned the compliment.

I saw some moisture in her eyes and knew she wanted for me to hang for awhile. But, I had detachment in my mind, so we said our goodbyes and I left.

This may not sound much, but I believe it may be a turning point. For the first time since the bomb, I see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. However, I don't want to get my hopes high.

My question is: how do you adjust detaching to allow for some efforts to reconcile? What factors need to be accomplished in detachment that you must follow through before it's time to turn it around? How do you know when you need to pursue a little?
Or, am I getting ahead of myself?

[ClingingToHope]

You are getting ahead of yourself. I believe the rule is they have to make the first move on reconciliation. What happens sounds good so keep it up through the holidays. Perhaps Christmas will be the real turning point.

[sam_oc]

Thanks CTH. I should reread DR. I don't fault myself for getting a little hope, because she was very angry. I considered it would take a miracle to reconcile.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You're getting ahead of yourself.

Eaaaaaasy, big fellah. It was just one nice day. It could mean something, or it could mean nothing at all.

Puppy