Good morning to all that our there. My situation looks like this at this point. My wife of seven years left three weeks ago to move in with her parents. We have two children ages 1 and 3. She has been saying for quite sometime that she is miserable and not happy. We tried counseling but she only wanted to go for 6 sessions. She had left for 2 days in the month of May and after she came back i wondered if she was really trying to work on our marriage. She left one of the cribs at her parents and alot of her personal belongings. I would tell her if were going to make this marriage work we have to be fully committed to that. I feel like she hasnt been since then. There are many things that have happened this last year and its been hard on both of us. First she was pregnant for most of 2008 and had a really hard pregnancy. She said that I wasnt there for her when she was sick. I come to find out during her six and seven months into the pregnancy that she had been speaking to a M friend about 200-300 times per month? When I found out about she stopped but there been alot of insecurity on my part ever since. I lost my job of 17 years in Oct 2008. We had to file BK and lost our home to foreclosure in Aug of 2009.I think that alot of the financial problems created a huge void in our marriage. I thought we would be able to survive but she just cant handle it anymore and has stated she is "moving on with her life". She initial left via a text message stating that she was miserable and couldnt live this way anymore. We had been living at my parents until we could get back on our feet. I have tried the first week she was gone to talk to her and convince her to at least try to make things work. Her attitude got worse by the day. I have completly backed off at this point. I recieved the book bd via anoymouus family member that sent it apparently to both of us. I asked her if she recieved and if she read it and this was her reply." No i will not be reading it whoev! er sent it was out of line". Any advice from anyone. Thanks
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
It sounds like you have had a tremendous amount of stress in your lives during the past year, with the job loss, bankruptcy, etc.
As you can see the "trying to convince her to at least make things work" scenario doesn't work too well. It's good that you have backed off. You need to give her some time to contemplate on her own what choices she is making. Don't stir the pot!
Take this time to read the DB book and implement the techniques that apply to your situation. Evaluate your shortcomings in the marriage and decide how you intend to make the changes that will improve yourself and make you more attractive to your wife. The first step in making your marriage better is to make YOU better.
Keep interactions with your W as positive as possible. Keep discussions with her limited to your kids and just everyday things - not relationship stuff.
I agree with all that youve stated. Im not sure that I CAN JUST go on like this and act like nothing matters. Im working on myself to become a better person husband and father. Someone anonomously has sent us the divorce remedy book to both of us. She told me today she recieved it but would not read it and the person that sent it to her is way out of line. She is a complete stranger.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
She cant take one day of her life to read a book that could possible save our marriage. Im not sure if I want anything to do with this person. How can someone tell you they love you one day and the next send you a text message that they our miserable and our moving on with there life.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
The time for book reading to "save the marriage" is long gone, believe me. Once they reach the walkaway point, they're done with the marriage, and want nothing but to be out of it and away from us. It's the nature of the beast.
//How can someone tell you they love you one day and the next send you a text message that they our miserable and our moving on with there life.//
Again, it's the nature of the beast. She'll also have momentary breakdowns, where she shows herself to be a pitiful, sobbing, wavering, confused person. Doesn't mean she won't snap back to "I-NEED-A-DIVORCE-MODE" as soon as she regains composure.
DB isn't intended for the walkaway spouse. It's intended for those of us left behind, and isn't necessarily the answer to resolving all of your marital conflicts. It's about rebuilding US AND MOVING ON, with or without the wayward.
It just so happens that the same things that make us better, stronger, more put-together people are about the ONLY chance to have a chance at reconciliation with our wayward.
