DETACHING ???

[ChillEarlyFrost]

How does one detach.
Bomb Dropped on me a month with the discovery of EA email. She totally denies that she is having an affair. Evidence suggests that it is PA. I have read the book. We don't talk about it any more, she is not talking s or d, but is paying down debt. We are still in same bed. She changed all passwords. I am not snooping or spying. Doing 180s and GAL. I love her, want R to work But at a loss on detaching. Any pointers???

Chill

[TrentC]

Detaching is important, because until you can show her that you are not dependant on her for a healthy, successful relationship, you can't make any progress.

(The same goes for her being in an EA/PA, but until she wants to make things work with you, you can't go there. At some point she will have to choose between you and the OM.)

Here is a good article on livestrong.com about detachment, especially why you need to do it.

[Coach]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1852615&page=11

thread on detaching

[TrentC]

Thanks, Coach, I was trying to find that link.

[ChillEarlyFrost]

Thanks Trent C
I no it is the hardest thing about this whole process
The article is very good

[TrentC]

I agree, that's why I link to it everywhere.

The thread Coach pointed to is a good one as well.

[ChillEarlyFrost]

Thanks Coach and Trent really good stuff. I copied a bunch for deliberate thought latter. Pretty busy right now. I did want to ask about the Boundary post that was referenced. Did you go ahead and start one? That is another DB topic I am not crystal clear about and looking for pointers on.

Thanks Again

Chill

[TrentC]

The boundary thread I referred to is here.

I didn't start it; Coach did.

Coach is very smart, you should listen to him.