My probably soon to be WAW expects she is going to be able to move out, with my 2 kids (who know nothing of the situation). I am not going to let them be exposed to the OM and his kids (who already text and call my wife). Any suggestions on how to safeguard custody issues? Plus, what do I tell them, I really don't want to smear her but they deserve the truth.
Desperation, this is so dissimilar to my situation that the only thing I can say for sure is find the toughest family law attorney in town and talk to him/her pronto.
Others will be along soon better and more detailed counsel, I'm sure.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
you will tell her straight & simple, if she isn't concerning herself with the kid's welfare and is just concerning herself with thoughts of the OM, you will go for full custody, her kids better be her main priority and if she can agree to that tell her than you will then go for shared/joint custody - NO weekend dad crap, be clear of that so there is no mistake and no assumptions. Yes ruffle the feathers a little bit, she expects to run you over because she's been used to doing that for quite some time.
Tell her that you aren't the same person you used to be, you won't just accept what she gives you anymore. Those are your kids just as much as hers and you won't be relegated to the position of "weekend dad", they will be in your life and you will actively be in there lives.
You can also tell her that you've been monitoring & recording everything and you've been speaking with lawyers - she can be sure that YOU won't be taken advantage of anymore.
Tell her to enjoy her life with the OM, you will be enjoying your single life as well.
As far as the kids are concerned, she doesn't get to take them out of the home until she has her own place. Living with the OM is not an option for your kids, you've spoken to a lawyer already and confirmed as much.
Wake her up, right now she thinks she's running the show, time to take back some control.
"This is our family home. These are their friends. This is their school. You may decide to leave for yourself, but we are both their parents. We must make parenting decisions together. There is no way that I can support your removal of the children from our home. If you attempt this, you can expect me to fight for my children in their best interest. Is there anything that I have said that you do not understand?"
She is welcome to leave, let her know that, you're not holding her back anymore.
Tell her it's time to talk with the kids as well.
Have a plan about this.
Show her that you're prepared.
Have a list of items ready to discuss with the kids:
1. Mom & Dad are splitting up 2. Although we're not together anymore it doesn't mean that we don't love you any less. 3. None of this is your fault. 4. You will be living with me half the time, and with mom half the time. 5. We will coordinate times you will be with us. 6. You can talk to us anytime you have problems with any of this, we're here to talk to you at any time. 7. The schedule will be this, ie. Monday to Sunday you're with me, the next week you're with Mom. 1 week and 1 weekend each, that way we both have equal time with you.
When she starts asking where you got the idea of the time shared, (ie. 1 week & 1 weekend each), you tell her that the idea was given to you from your lawyer, it's what people do when they share custody of their children and you're NOT going to settle for every other weekend so she can wake up from her fantasy dream and join the rest of the world in reality.
No more living in fruitopia (utopia), join us on planet earth.
It's only when you start showing your spouse that your serious about all of this, ie. lawyer talk, shared custody, her moving out, etc. is when they start realizing that their original plans aren't going to work out as they imagined.
You don't have to agree with her plans, don't give her the satisfaction of that.
You can be a man, you can stand up for yourself and your children.
She can leave, ask her also if she needs help packing up things and smile when you say it.
Tell her not to worry about packing up the kid's things, there possessions will stay with you in your current home, she can pack whatever clothes she needs for them at her new place.
That's how you take back your power, that's how you show you're standing up for yourself - this is what wakes up WAS's.
