I have the same question, brkn...so I'll be monitoring your thread to read the responses. From what I've read in other threads, the advice is to do what you feel comfortable doing...and that being a little "mysterious" when it comes to your W could be a good thing. dday reminded me of the "act as if" principle & it seems to fit in this situation.
Good luck! I'm pulling for you.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Before seperation we agreed we wouldnt see other people. Now my wife made a comment "Why cant I see other people, everything always has to be your way!" I am the only one that wants the marriage to be saved, she is a WAW. I know she isnt seeing anyone right now, but I do know that she is talking to some new people she didnt know before. I asked her the least should could do for me is wait till DDay before seeing someone else.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
I did not date until I decided that there was no way in the world that I wanted my wife back. And guess what happened...my WAW decided she wanted another chance right before our D was final. It may have been that part of her motivation was that I had moved on and gotten a girl friend.
It would be very unfair to the person you are dating if you did decide later to reconcile with your wife (if she comes around).
brkn, you can't control what she does. The more you try, the more you will push her away. But you can control what you do.
Do you really thing that you seeing someone else is going to be helpful? Let's assume that you actually grew to like this other person? What if they actually grew to like you? And then, once you are in a pretty good, growing, relationshp with this other person, WAW decides that she'd like to try? What are you going to do then? It's just a bad idea.
And don't try to use her actions to justify yours. I don't have any problem with you deciding you are "done", now or at any other time. But until you are, you can't play both sides of the fence. That would make you pretty much a WA too, I think.
Stop worrying about what she is doing, who she is talking to. Get your focus on you. You are the one you can make better. You are the one you can control. Asking her for the "least she could do" isn't making you attractive to her. It's closer to begging.
