W has been having trouble over the past 4 or 5 months, and I thought (based on what she told me) that she was having some issues or MLC or something. Told me in August that she needed space, which I'm sure I failed at providing. Two weeks ago she tells me that she doesnt love me anymore.
During the discussion a couple of weeks ago she never mentioned divorce or separation (not sure if i just didn't let her?), only that she had determined through her own C that she feels this way and needs to be independent for the first time in her life. I don't want to bring it up for fear of accelerating the slippery slope we're on. That said, I am curious as to what she is thinking about as next steps, or is she just content at the moment that I am genuinely giving her space, not asking what she's doing, and doing my own thing. We are friendly around the house, just no affectionate talk or physical contact. So frustrating and I don't know what to do! Please help!!
Anyone got anything to share? I am inexperienced at this, and I am at a loss...feel like going the way we are, I am just waiting for her to decide that she's had enough MC to appease me and wants to move. How can I positively get us going in the right direction?
"How can I positively get us going in the right direction?"
read the posts on this site. anyone who has been at this for over a year and still has'nt resolved their marital issues. Do the complete opposite of what they are doing. and while you are reading take notes of the things their spouses do and say that affect them enough to post about them on this site. if you play your cards right, in time, you may be able to use that to effectively turn your wife around and have her pursuing you.
"During the discussion a couple of weeks ago she never mentioned divorce or separation"
you dont hear that until they have all their ducks in a row. its a mean cruel world out there. smart women do not jump ship they walk off the dock gracefully and right into the Hilton.
"Told me in August that she needed space, which I'm sure I failed at providing."
For now respect her request. In fact, don't you need some space to figure thing outs and be independent? are you sure you love her? or do you love her but you arent in love with her? think about it.
I have been reading posts, and some of them have in fact helped me in determing how to act and what to do. So tough going on faith that it's accurate when you feel like you're walking the plank.
I do love her. I have had these discussions with myself, and all the things that I have told her in the past and present hold true. In my heart I do love her and I am will go through whatever pain may be required to repair our marriage or determine that I have done all that I could to do so if she decides otherwise.
I feel for you. If you look at my sitch in my signature link you'll see I'm in a similar but probably much more escalated version of what you are going through. It is truly the most difficult time in my life. My wife is just getting colder and more hostile and is now moving out in the next couple of days. I really hope you can resolve this. I sure hope I can get my family back together. I would really back off though. It is somthing I'm having a hard time doing, but that is the advice you probably need to heed the most.
Me: 30 W: 29 D: 20 months M: 5 years T: 6.5 years ILYBNILWY and want to separate: 10/5/2009
thank you...will keep giving space. I wish you the best NAGL, I am sorry that so many people are going through this, but happy that this outlet is here for us.
In fact, don't you need some space to figure thing outs and be independent? are you sure you love her? or do you love her but you arent in love with her? think about it.
I read a book after moving out, "The Power of Now," by Eckhart Tolles. One of his chapters dealt with relationships and his point was many people aren't actually in love with their spouse, they are "addicted" to being in a relationship.
That's what I'm still trying to find out. I miss the comfort and ease a family gives me, but do I actually miss my W as a person.
I definitely don't miss the W of the past three years. She would have to be willing to meet me in the middle on things and she hasn't done that in a long time.
So while you are giving her space, think that over. Here's another tip. Become a student of your W. Start a journal where you right down things you remember about her -- her childhood, your earliest dates, her family. If you have gaps, look for ways to fill in the blanks in everyday conversations.
It gives you something different to talk about. Don't be obvious and pester her. Look for subtle opportunities. It'll help you be closer to her while you are actually leaving her alone.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
In my heart I do love her and I am will go through whatever pain may be required to repair our marriage or determine that I have done all that I could to do so if she decides otherwise.
