It has been quite some time since I last posted. I'm not sure what was going on at that time but D3 is now D4.. She and I moved downtown and things were looking promising with H. Then work got him busy again and of course there is a single good looking female working for him again so his interest waned as he got busy with work etc... He was going through the motions.. kind of the all talk no action type thing and that turned to D4 and I becoming afterthoughts again (although he will deny this ferociously since he says he thinks of D4 everyday and cries about not seeing her on a regular basis).
Anyway, I'm struggling. The holidays are tough for me so Thanksgiving just came and went. I still do not have the support structure around me to allow me much of a life outside of my time with D4.. so I'm sinking into depression. It's gotten to the point that although I like my job, a lot, it's not enough to sustain me.. which has me wanting to move home. Be near my family and my old friends. I'd only moved to Toronto back in 2001 because he was moving here and I wanted to be with him.
The big struggles right now are that I'm trying to untangle our finances.. and this is ripping open the thin scab I'd managed to form...
He's upset that I want to move our D4 away with me.. it won't be so convenient for him to drop in and see her when he has a minute to share with her and it will be difficult for him to schedule time with her with his hectic schedule.
I'm scared (terrified actually) at what my future holds for me and extremely sad that I feel the failure of this all over again.. but I pray to God, daily, to help me with this so hopefully he will carry the burden for me.
I've been watching/reading what's up with those of you that started around the same time as me. Congratulations Ali I am so happy for you. BBJ, I'm glad you made the appt to see the Dr., J210 you sound like you're doing fantastic, Kalni/Sunshine/Maria I'm glad there is movement in your sitch, Lisa - I wish you would post an update, Julia - you are very brave and I wish I had your strength, MichelleLT - Happy Birthday and I'm glad things are going so well me RT, Michelle - Congrats on your boy passing the tests!! I'm sure there are others I'd like to personally address but I should get into this thing called work.
If you think you need to move home, then move home. I cannot put a value on the support system I have now that I am back with family. I have a cousin who calls and invites me to go out with her, and with my parents in town, I have free, eager babysitters when I want some 'me' time. Of course that is counterbalanced with the impact the move would have on D4...would it substantially impact her time with your H? It sounds like he spends limited time with her as it is...
I get similar things from my H. He spends pretty much exactly the time he feels like spending with us, then does his own thing the rest of the time. But then tells me how he cries b/c he misses his kids...
Maybe it will take you moving for him to see what he is losing/has lost. Not that you would move as a tactic, I am just saying if moving is best for you then go for it. Are there job opportunities back home for you??
((W2G)) Missed ya...
Oh! Since I posted first, I will take a vanilla latte from Starbucks please...
Last edited by BobbiJo; 10/15/0902:58 PM. Reason: forgot my drink!
I have to agree. I was in texas for the better part of a year and a half, but have really healed being back in new york where I have the love and support of my family. Do what is best for you and your D at this point.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Tough one. You do need to have your own time, which your extended family could help provide. But you dont want your daughter to miss too much time with her father and I am sure you can see how it would hurt him to miss seeing her.
How far away from Toronto is your home town?
If you did move, do you think that he might find work in your home town?
Hey W2G! Nice to hear from you again... Who the hell wants to live in Toronto anyway :-) My advice is to do whatever you need to do to feel better. If it meens moving away, then so be it. Your husband can come to visit as I would imagine your hometown is an hour or so outside of T.O. You need to take care of yourself W2G....the rest will then fall into place. By the way, I may sound great (or better than I used to) but we all have our moments. It is how we deal with them that matter. One day, I came to the realization that my happiness on this earth could not be solely based on me living with another person (especially one who disrespected me).... so i chose to move on and fought hard and soem days, i need to still fight....but I know deep down that I should surround myself with people who have moral standards equal to or better than mine.
I've been there on business various times and thought it was a cool city. And they had a pretty darn good champion baseball team at the time when I was there. Winter in most of Canada sucks though!
And BBJ, I would gladly give you a starbucks. I'm still a big fan of sb.
Just had a phone call from my MIL. seems H told her about my thoughts of moving... and she just laid it on super thick about how I'm being immature and that I should stop only thinking of myself and think of my daughter. That if anything I should focus on changing me instead of trying to change H (which I'm not trying to change H. I told him what I needed from him.. when he was in his all talk no action mode.. and he has done NONE of the things I needed).
Crazily enough even my Mom, who doesn't know about my thoughts of moving, has told me recently how I'm making a huge mistake and she doesn't want me to do everything wrong like she did. In the end I'm sure she would help me but it feels baffling that in the end these two women think that I'm messing or that I've messed everything up.
Toronto is a nice place to live but it seems most of the people are commuters.. there are a lot of single or people without children so it's not an ideal place to raise her.. but there are lots of things to do if you've got the funds to do it.
