Hi all, I have been reading the forum and would love some advice. This is not about an ended marriage but an ended relationship, however I am wondering of some of the same rules might apply.
I am 30, and spent 2 years with a man who I loved immensely and who I thought had tons in common with me, and was one of my best friends and the most extraordinary people I had ever met. We broke up 1.5 years ago.
1.5 years ago, when we broke up, he said he wanted to be single and explore but could see us together in the long term, although he preferred a clean breakup rather than a break. He said he had never been single much before, and also wasn't sure I was "the one" and was feeling afraid of commitment.
During the 1.5 years apart, we spent 6 months totally out of contact, and 1 year as friends. We both dated other people. Recently we were both single, and seeing each other is as great as ever. He put his arm around me and showered me with compliments. It was really nice. We've seen each other every couple of weeks.
However, I found out from a mutual friend that, unbeknownst to me, there is another woman he has been saying he "is in love with" and pursuing, at least as a friend for now, for the past year or so. When I found out, I was furious, not because he was dating (we had both done that) but because I had been kept in the dark. I thought I had been straightforward with him about my situation and had expected the same in return.
Over two days, I sent him 3 long and angry emails full of vitriol, listing a lot of what he had done wrong over the past 3.5 years including lying to me and leading me on. He sent one defensive/apologetic email, and a short apology saying that he was sorry "this comes at my expense" and he would be working on fixing himself.
We have not had contact since then, about 1.5 weeks ago.
I am not sure what, if anything, my next move should be. Do I stay out of contact and move on, or send something light, kind, and apologetic, to leave the door open in case he decides to contact me? I read DB 1.5 years ago and had been using the techniques when we broke up, on and off.
He frequently has said how much he likes and admires me, and thinks I'm a wonderful person. He recently said he trusts me more than anyone. Our friendship is (was) top-notch. But in this string of harsh emails, he also said that he never ever saw us dating again and is not interested in that. He says he wishes he could express all the warmth and love he has for me and not have it mean that he wants to get back together.
I have loved him a long time and believe we are really compatible people, and when we spend time together, he often says his face hurts from smiling. He seems to be attracted to me (and has said so), but of course one never knows. I've invested 3.5 years and it led to this blow-up. I don't know if I should walk away from the whole thing or try something different.
PS, I would be happy to send the latest string of emails to someone by PM... I would actually love it if an objective third party could take a glance. But only if someone is interested. My thoughts and emotions have been spinning and it would be wonderful to be able to make sense of this. Thanks again to whoever is reading.
Walk away, no actually run. This is not someone who remotely respects you let alone loves you.
I may be talking out of turn here, but it seems to me that you have low self esteem, read, attend therapy, and grow. Once you know and love yourself you will see this relationship was doomed from the start.
Of course I could be wrong, wait and read what others have to say.
thanks lg193. hmm, to come to a forum where almost everyone is intent on saving their relationships, and hear that i have low self esteem and should run... it's quite wake up call. maybe you're right.
