Wife left to go out of town with girlfriends. Last night. Typical behavior from her is don't call or text other than to say I'm here and how are the kids? Text from W:
W:Here Something mentioned about a 7hr tour of X! No way!!
M: Thats Funny! Son lost game. Received pictures. Thanks for sending picture of kidlets at game.
W: i didn't realize it didn't go through B4! needless to say I am notdoing a tour that long if at all! How is son feeling?
M: Great
W: So, what are you going to do?
M: Don't understand. Do what?
W: Sorry texting our plansfor the evening. wrong text! Deciding if meeting at hotel or dinner. Son is feeling ok then?
M: I thought that was for someone else son is good.
W: We are still deciding where to go to dinner. Our toilet is broke, not flushing! I just pee and found that out.
M: That stinks (not ment to be funny). I wanted to see if she wanted me to call the hotel and raise cain but thought they ar adults let the fix it.
W:We just changed rooms M: Good! had you already unpacked? W: the other two did a little M: LOL! W:they moved us M: Thats good W: right next door! M: Even better! W: Did you get the pic I tried to send? M Text or email W:I will send it on email. I don't think you can pic text on that phone M: stupid iphon! no pics but I can shazam!! W: Email Shazam boy! M: Just got the email. thats a big drink! Lol! (bucket with straws coming out of it) W: We get to carry it around and drink it M: yes you can walk and booze on st.. Your funny W: talk to you later
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
Today text from wife W: they charged us 166 for room last night, our bill this morning said 193 and the charged account 222. What happened?
M:They make you pay for first night and give you next two nights free. They will tack on 20% if you use debit card. For incidentals. (I used points for two nights free).
W:It was used as a mastercard! It was a debit card. The 166I thought it what you said would be the price? there is only three of us in the room
M: maybe taxes. i will call hotel and check. Regardless if she used it as a MC its still a debit card.
W: Ok! the 193 is one thing but that was still after the 166 total. I am not sure whats going on M; i will take care of it (Wanted to take care of it she seemed concerned)
W: ok just let me know. friend said its ok but if it clears at 222 she will say something
M: It won't clear at 222 its just a temporary hold until transaction can process
W: She said thats fine as long as they take it off. 193 was a surprise though.
m: tax is a bitch. your right on the entertainment area. they got you and the know it.
W: i know i guess i thought u said the toatal with tax should be 160ish M: i will check W: ok
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
I called spoke to the manager confirmed the price was 166 plus tax and was the rate originally agreed upon. W did receive email with total price on it with tax from me. When I booked room But I didn't go down that road.
While on phone with manager mentioned problems night before and manager decided to no charge the room for that evening.
I caled W and explained she said thanks and We both ended the call quickly.
Tonight; wild things for the boys and sleep over for daughter. life is good.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
Why are you trying to solve all these problems for you? She's left you for the weekend (and we're not even at all certain with whom), and all of her recent behavior has been hurtful and wayward.
"Wow, that's wild. Better take it up with them then; sorry, gotta run!" would have been my response.
She's gone for the weekend. Let her solve her own damned problems, and LET HER MISS YOU.
seriously, she gets to leave and have fun but you get to be the manager and take care of the road expenses and speaking to the hotel manager for her?
Whoa!
Boundaries.
Let her put on her big girl panties I believe is the term thrown around here. She's an adult, she can take of the logistics of the trip. She's having fun and that's ok but having fun without you but expecting you to take care of the details to enable her fun while you're not there... totally not cool.
Totally subservient behavior on your part.
You are the butler, you aren't the accountant, you are the personal assistant... stop acting like one.
Do you have a life, she apparently does, so why are you waiting on every text that comes from her?
No excuses.
Any excuses you have won't work.
Excuses don't explain and explanations don't excuse.
Thanks for the reply's. I need to let her be responsible for her. I just was always a jerk in the past and didn't want to come off as being neglectful.
I was in a catch22 when booking the trip a couple of months ago we didn't have alot of money for her to go. if I didn't use points and she would have went ahead and booked the trip anyway. We wouldn't had the money to pay certain bills. So i booked the trip since I had to use points and miles that were under my name. Remeber she is home alone with the kids 10-12 nights a month because of my travel schedule. Those points belong to her just as much as me.
But, because she is wayward I think you are all trying to tell me to stop and let her take care of her. If she needs space, give her space, all of it. I'm struggling with that. Jerkish behaviors versus being the caretaker.
I need to refocus on me and start saving up for an attorney. I don't want to divorce. But if thats what she wants should I give it to her.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
What a fine line to walk between enabling her to keep thinking she wants a divorce vs not being a jerk. I feel for you! I think this one almost needs to be judged on a situation by situation basis - no one size fits all for when you need to step back and let her flounder vs when you do need to step in.
Being a woman I know that we normally give men TONS of feedback as to what we have been unhappy about in the relationship! (Although once we've given up on ever having our needs met, we might go "dark" - which most men misunderstand to be their wife must be okay now since she's not complaining anymore...when really it's just the calm before the storm.) So when she did try to talk to you - what were her complaints?
Have you read the Light her Fire book? The romantic advice might not be appropriate in your situation but the overall principles of listening, appreciation, and respect apply in any situation! I don't know yet if it will save my marriage but I really credit Light his Fire to a huge improvement in our communication over the past few months! I think he would have moved out a long time ago if not for the changes this book caused me to make in how I treat him. A lot of it is common sense but truly most of us don't realize that we need to make daily decisions over and over to keep showing respect and admiration through our actions.
As to the whole staying out until 3am with small kids comment that some of the men agreed with - you guys don't get it! If a woman has a man who treats her right at home and makes her feel special, those very rare nights that she stays out late with her partying girlfriends are just a huge reminder to her in how awful the men are out there in the bars and what a great guy she has right at home! All her friends will be amazed that her husband trusts her enough to go out and offers to watch the kids once in awhile because he knows she deserves a break and he wants her to have fun. (My husband always scored major "points" in my book for when he did this.) If you make your wife feel sexy and appreciated then you should be pushing her out the door once in awhile to ensure she keeps realizing the grass is not greener on the other side!
Guys, she married YOU out of all the other men she could have married instead...honestly deep down I believe that most of your wives deeply crave that you be "the winner" in this situation and grab her heart back! It's the years of "more of the same behavior" that doesn't allow her to admit that hope. It's her fear that if you get back together she will lose her sexiness again and feel like a worthless frump. Definitely all of your wives might now know it yet but they are so lucky that you guys cared enough to find Divorce Busting and learn how to make the changes you need to make. You guys here really rock!
