Journaling

[rpnyc]

Thanks for all of your help. I wrote from a place of sadness. I am on a very personal journey right now. I made the move to reclaim myself 3 weeks ago by leaving and saying I needed a break. H decided he would ask for a D via email 2 days after I left. I was at an intensive codependency workshop at the time and that told me god was there. It was the right place to be. I spent a week with my best friend out of town and then came back. I'm applying for grad school, studying for my GREs, going to support group meetings, seeing friends. I'm GALing for me, I am. I just falter now and again when it comes to the time he's supposed to be around. I'm not sure this living sitch is good for me. I feel strong and capable during the week but then start to get anxious as the weekend approaches. I went to a yoga lecture about grief this morning, walked over the bridge, spent the afternoon in the museum and then had drinks and dinner with a close friend. It helped. That was all for me. I think the finality of his decision, the decision to disappear from my life....well, it's painful. I do know he is on his own journey and I can even see why he needs to do it. I know him that well. I'm not angry and don't want to act in anger. I'm just not sure if it makes sense to start the process of living apart. This is all very new. 3 weeks old...I have my bad days and my good ones. And I know I'm on the right path for me. That piece that usually is him is just missing. I miss who we used to be but maybe I'm learning we are a long way from there and may never have a chance for something new. How do you grieve and move on when you still harbor hope? I guess time and god will tell me the answer. I just need patience...

[sleeplessinspoke]

I read the string here, I really like the idea about the story of how I met your mother....I'm stuggling with my wife and divorce is a thing I still can't phathom. I, too, have apreciated the right to be weak here ananimously where it can't hurt my marraige as I fear it has. I wish you the best of luck with the 1%

[mrbt]

. . . it's hard to understand my life in any context apart from husband. I've never been heart broken over anyone else in my life. It's all so new. . . I worry if he sees me getting on with things, he'll think I'm over him . . . If you're almost sure it's over, does that 1% hope screw up your chance to move on?

RPNYC, I can relate to how you feel. My wife is the only woman I have ever been with - we've been together for 25 years. I am also afraid that if I act as if I am okay, it just makes it easier for her to walk away. On the other hand, I wouldn't want her to stay just because she felt sorry for me.

[sleeplessinspoke]

I have had several people suggest the GAL type approach and to find out what makes me happy. This definately needs to happen if for no other reason to take the heat off my wife from my watching her every reaction and obsessing about when and why she's with him. (I am still not 100% sure she is) I have been the only one holding this together for so long it's the hardest thing to think that taking my hands off the lifeline will help. I am fine without her in my life is a very hard message to try to send to her because in the end, I still don't believe it's true. Give her space.....space to continue to move away from me.....these are all struggles I have had with this strategy that I am sure is a good one....