My wife and I have been seperated for 8 months( M 20 yrs). Our relationship has changed within the last month, we spend more time together, we go to our sons games, we go to family events and we have rekindled our SL and PT. 2 months before that she could not be in the same room with me - ILYBNILWY was her attitude. So there is progress but I want her to turn to me when she needs emotional support. If she needed me I would be there in a heartbeat. She turns to her mother and that is another issue.
It seems like when we are close, around her mother, she becomes distant again - maybe its me but I felt this before. We were very close this past weekend and she was around to see it. I would hate to think my MIL would be my love buster. The reason I say this is because there was an issue with my daughter this week and I was the last to know. This hurt because I should have been the first person she called.
Also, she could not talk to me about her day, at the end of the day, which has never been an issue these past few weeks. She would always have something to say.
Is this the eb and flow of seperation? I feel like something has changed and I do not know what it is, like I have taken a step backwards somehow.
I think the best think you can do is work on yourself and keep the positives flowing in the right direction (like it seems like they are now). Remember that you and only you can turn this thing around. There are things you can control (opps,bad word, I know-ha) and things you cannot. So, if you keep doing the right things, as detailed in the DB book ad posted all over this board, then your W cannot help but see a change in you and no matter what your MIL may say, if you are doing the right things, you will rise above any love busting you MIL may mudsling you with. In fact, your W may even come to your defense and that would be huge.
Keep doing what you are doing, don,t slip and your W will notice!
NSD
Last edited by neversaydie63; 10/08/0904:30 PM.
Me 47 WAW 48 No Kids M-20y T-24y B#1 2-20-09 B#2 4-23-09-WAW Moved Out B#3 3-8-10-WAW Filed for D My Sitch:http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1823907#Post1823907
I am in a somewhat similar situation, in that my wife was always a different person around her parents. I've come to realize she always saw herself as their daughter first, and my spouse third (being a mother was second).
There's not much you can do when they have an enabler or someone like that who causes shifts in behavior. Fix yourself first - that's what I'm trying to do. It's helping - I'm actually calmer and more relaxed despite this crazy divorce business.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
Thanks for the support. It sounds like you and I have many things in common like length of marriage, WAW age.
I do have the DR book but I did not at first. I wish I would have gotten that book first, it would have saved from some of mistakes ie cheeseless tunnels.
In fact I wish I would have paid more attention to my relationship before it was gone. I know how it could have been, because it was that way just 3 years ago. I love my wife and I know I will eventually thrive if we were to get divorced but I do not want that for my family. I think of the holidays and how they would be altered, dad and mom every other year, grandchildren with too many grandparents, step relatives etc. I know this life and because my parents were not good partners, I did not have the knowledge I need to sustain a good marriage.
I always new that marriage is work, but unless you know what to work on you might think arguing is the work and not the love. The love is the work - you need to work at loving your spouse, this is the work that gets put aside when life gets busy. This is the fun work, its the planning to be with each other, the appreciation, the acceptance, the freindship.
You need some too, I hope you can work this out somehow.
She has 4 kids with you, you should fight for your family. I will reply to your other thread. You need some 180's and you have to prove that you love her and your kids. She cannot keep you from your kids.
