hello all im a LBS of MLCer

[foreverhopeful]

Hi
I am married to a man in a full blown MLC... He left 2 years ago and we reunited after 2 months at this time I had no idea he was in the throws of a mlc. After another year of ups and downs he left again and moved in with the OW, I was 3 months pregnant at the time. I had no idea there was someone else, he lied about it to me yet paraded her around the small community where we lived. Naturally I was informed of this and asked him about it and he kept denying it, eventually I accepted that it was true and went into a very deep depression.

During this time he ignored not just me but also our children, S21, S20, D13. He naturally blamed me for this said I had turned the children against him, which to be honest I had not done I was too upset and distraught to say much at all. I actually believed that he would return and that this was just a terrible nightmre and I would wake up and all would be right in my world again.Well I started doing some research and found sites relating to MLC and then I realized that he was in a very bad place himself. I read the do's and don'ts ...what to say and not to say, how to detach and move on for myself and the children.

One year down the road and I have moved away with my children,(had a beautiful baby girl) he does not support us and has very limited contact with our D and none with our sons.

Two weeks ago I found out that perhaps the cloud is lifting and the fog is clearing, he has asked for more contact with our D and has approached our sons to talk. He has offered to start supporting us(as much as he can) and has asked how we are doing...he is still living with the OW ..not sure why but I believe that he cannot affort to move out yet and has become so dependant on her. Perhaps this is me making excuses for him I am not sure.

I wrote him a letter saying how I felt about everything, I let him know that I love him and have forgiven him and that I would be prepared to work things out, I also said that I wanted him but realized that I did not need him, I think part of him leaving was he felt too needed and honestly I realized that I can cope on my own but I really don't want to ..I miss my marriage, which for the most part was good. It's coming up to my 40th and the idea of him not being with me for that is so upsetting, I find myself crying again which seemed to have stopped since I made that move away. I feel like I am taking backward steps instead of going forward....Guess I need some other opinions ...anyone got any ideas on what I can do ...what I should do at this point

[Phoenixdeux]

Hi,

SOrry you are here. For one, I think you were too quick on the forgiveness...or at least the forgetting part. He hasn't done anything to show remorse or that it's even worth getting back together with him.

Who knows if he's in MLC. I personally think it's mainly hogwash. It's a convenient excuse for someone cheating...a way to excuse behavior you wouldn't normally excuse. To the faithful spouse, the behavior of a cheater always looks unexplainable. I'd wager he was cheating with OW most of that time.


You can't control what he does. All you can do is make a happy life for yourself. Want to get his attention? Start getting yourself out there. Go out with friends. Find new friends. Get into the single woman mindset. Guys are simple. They want what they can't have. We don't want letters that say we are forgiven when we didn't deserve it. That's just a free pass to continue with this happy little affair while having a fallback plan. Want to be someone's fallback plan?

I suspect that life isn't all rosy with OW. He's probably getting a little wanderlust. Don't make too big of a deal out of his seeming to reach out. He has a long way to go. Don't settle for less that his full effort to prove to YOU that he's worth it.

[Ready2Change]

Sorry you find yourself in your sitch. Glad you found us. This site is a lifeline for so many. Great place for support.

Guess I need some other opinions ...anyone got any ideas on what I can do ...what I should do at this point

First thing I recommend is a commitment to personal growth. I list my favorite books on the first post of my thread. Start with DR and then keep going....

Second recommendation is focus on your sex appeal. Again there are many great books.

Third, do more of what works, stop doing what does not work.

HUGS