I am new to this sight and am having a hard time finding my way around. Hopefully you will find me and give some advice.
My husband of thirteen years, tomorrow, left me in May. At first we were in a planned reconciliation but after finding a second councilor he wanted out. He has lost his job and is struggling with a new one. He lives in the basement of a friends house and when he has the kids he comes to the house. He has given us no financial support and does nothing to help with house or kids. After reading DB, I came to realize that he has classic symptoms of a Mid Life Cris sis. He has told me that it is over and he does not love me any more. He has a girl friend. It won't last because she is crazy. He also said that he was unhappy for the entire marriage. We did have the problems that most couples have but a really good marriage. Our kids are wonderful and up until may extremly happy. Reading Db was like reading about my life. For the first week< I have only cried once. I am focused and have set my goals. I am happy, upbeat, and lots of compliments whenever I speak to him. I know it has only been a week but having him leave tonight without as much as a good night or anything about our anniversary is just about killing me. I want him back and I want my family whole again. I want to see him smile again. If he is in love with this new woman, why is he so depressed. I have been so positive this week and he seems to more distant then ever. Am I waitsing my tears on a man that will never come back? I know I have to give it time. Is there anybody out there that has a positive story for me. I need some thoughts. Please help.
1) He needs to handle his financial responsibilities to child support. I'd tell him so.
2) I would be nice about it, but tell him to take the kids somewhere for visitation. If you choose not to do that, look good, smell good, be happy, and then leave him with the kids while you go out without explanation. Let him draw his own conclusions. He'll start to worry you are seeing someone else.
3) Don't be all gushy around him. Show him your good side, but be more indifferent. He needs to feel that he's losing you (and he should feel that, you don't have to wait in limbo for him to get his head out)
4) Continue to focus on what's best for you and making yourself happy. He needs to sort himself out...you can't do it for him.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
The hardest thing to learn is remove attachment to the outcome you want. You want him back, so do the 180 stuff, but Phoenixdeux is right, you need to protect yourself too.
I don't care, then I do, then I don't, then I do... la de da
Lots of positive stories out there. During this difficult time in our lives, we need to focus on personal growth. My story is positive. I took it as an opportunity to reflect on myself and make positive changes in my thoughts, behaviors, relationships, etc...
You have the same opportunity if you choose to.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
1) He needs to handle his financial responsibilities to child support. I'd tell him so.
2) I would be nice about it, but tell him to take the kids somewhere for visitation. If you choose not to do that, look good, smell good, be happy, and then leave him with the kids while you go out without explanation. Let him draw his own conclusions. He'll start to worry you are seeing someone else.
3) Don't be all gushy around him. Show him your good side, but be more indifferent. He needs to feel that he's losing you (and he should feel that, you don't have to wait in limbo for him to get his head out)
4) Continue to focus on what's best for you and making yourself happy. He needs to sort himself out...you can't do it for him.
