Tomarrow is my anniversary

[christmas]

I am new to this sight and am having a hard time finding my way around. Hopefully you will find me and give some advice.

My husband of thirteen years, tomorrow, left me in May. At first we were in a planned reconciliation but after finding a second councilor he wanted out. He has lost his job and is struggling with a new one. He lives in the basement of a friends house and when he has the kids he comes to the house. He has given us no financial support and does nothing to help with house or kids.
After reading DB, I came to realize that he has classic symptoms of a Mid Life Cris sis. He has told me that it is over and he does not love me any more. He has a girl friend. It won't last because she is crazy. He also said that he was unhappy for the entire marriage. We did have the problems that most couples have but a really good marriage. Our kids are wonderful and up until may extremly happy.
Reading Db was like reading about my life. For the first week< I have only cried once. I am focused and have set my goals. I am happy, upbeat, and lots of compliments whenever I speak to him. I know it has only been a week but having him leave tonight without as much as a good night or anything about our anniversary is just about killing me. I want him back and I want my family whole again. I want to see him smile again. If he is in love with this new woman, why is he so depressed.
I have been so positive this week and he seems to more distant then ever. Am I waitsing my tears on a man that will never come back? I know I have to give it time. Is there anybody out there that has a positive story for me. I need some thoughts. Please help. [e-mail]

[rinserepeat]

Sorry you are here. Glad you read the book. If you want reconciliation, I believe this is your best shot. Regardless what happens, these techniques will help you.
Patience is a difficult but necessary piece to it. Esp. if it's mlc, you may be in for a long haul.
You want some positive story, I will tell you that I was here in 04 when my m fell apart and I experienced some of the exact things you describe here. I did the classic everything wrong which resulted in h moving out of the house to pursue r with ow. I was referred to this site by by brother who credits what he learned here in restoring his m. I turned myself around and followed the db principles. My xh did want to reconcile eventually, but it was to late for me. I'll spare you the full details. But if you want to know can it work, yes. It can work. It's a difficult journey. There are ups and downs. Successes and failures. But it's really about you and improving yourself and your life.
It's incredibly painful to deal with the consequence of your partners affair. Very few of these r with op survive. I heard only 3% are successful. Typically they may last 9-18 months. That is statistical information that does little to ease your suffering, but just know that the odds are against it succeeding. Now focus on yourself. Make a list of goals and 180's. Gal & pma are very important for your recovery. (get a life, and positive mental attitude.)
There are a lot of smart, compassionate, and generous people here who are all passing through some verson of this terrible experience. You are in the right place for support and understanding. I bet some of them will start dropping by your thread with some pearls very soon.
good luck

[Generosity]

Good Morning D,

I'm sorry you find yourself here, however, it's a place you'll find resources you wouldn't find elsewhere.

Just a couple of quick heads up on the DB Forum;

The moderators will ban you from the boards if you put any kind of personal info in your posts, i.e., email address.

If you keep to one thread it makes it easier to find & post to you. So, either Newcomers or Separated, etc.

By reading & posting on other's threads, you'll gain a lot of information, plus make some friends & gain support.

I see that you've read DB. Actually, Divorce Remedy may be more suited to you if you can get a copy.

There is almost always another person in the picture, so you may want to find out as much as you can regarding infidelity thru the forum here & also books such as, "Not Just Friends".

As R&R says, there are positive stories & there is hope. The sooner you gather intelligence, the better it will be for you , and the direction your situation takes.

Regardless of the outcome of your M, I think you'll find that you'll come thru this a stronger & more evolved person by taking advantage of what's offered here.

Take Care,

Sunny

[cat03]

you've gotten awesome advise, ditto on the above. I know each day is like a year and it weights heavy on your heart. But for your own good dont' hold your breath, this can take months...he does sound like a MLC, depressed and trying to fill that void with an OP (the not just friends book explains that nicely)

GAL and focus on yourself right now. About the anniversary, dont' have any expectations, plan something for that night with friends or something so you are not home sad thinking of it.

You'll do fine, there is always hope, patience is the key.