A couple of questions to all the WAS

[alexjadams]

It's ashame the only diaglog that is happening is betwenn LBS

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Fine.

To answer your questions as a WAH 9 years ago.

Now that you have walked away, have the reasons for walking away been justified?

Yes and they were at the time.

And what were the reasons you walked away?

Controlling manipulative wife. As long as everything went her way, everything was a-ok in the marriage.

Did you find the same problems in your new relationship that you had when you walked away from your old one?

No.

Are you thinking of walking away from this relationship as well?

No.

Are you still with the person you walked away with and is this the relationship you thought you were going to have?

Yes. Although one could say that anyone having an affair either emotional or physical has some issues...they would be right. My wife did have an MLC, and the karma burn was painful. However once past that, we are actually doing amazingly well.

I regret the pain, and I tried to mitigate it in my first wife. However, I in no way shape or form regret the decision to leave.

[alexjadams]

Thank you very much J_T_B

your sitch is totally different than most sitch I (being my sick minded) would put you in the same cat as a WAW w/ an abusive Husband (As you stated your abuse was mental)

I'm just not buying neglect as an WAS excuse

[dday101798]

So nelgect is not a synominous form of abuse? When did this happen?

[alexjadams]

Dday101798


Neglect from Dictonary.com
1. to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight: The public neglected his genius for many years.
2. to be remiss in the care or treatment of: to neglect one's family; to neglect one's appearance.
3. to omit, through indifference or carelessness: to neglect to reply to an invitation.
4. to fail to carry out or perform (orders, duties, etc.): to neglect the household chores.
5. to fail to take or use: to neglect no precaution.

To me this word doesn’t mean abuse

From Dictionary.com
1. to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one's authority.
2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4. to commit sexual assault upon.
5. Obsolete. to deceive or mislead.
–noun
6. wrong or improper use; misuse: the abuse of privileges.
7. harshly or coarsely insulting language: The officer heaped abuse on his men.
8. bad or improper treatment; maltreatment: The child was subjected to cruel abuse.
9. a corrupt or improper practice or custom: the abuses of a totalitarian regime.
10. rape or sexual assault.
11. Obsolete. DECEPTION.


Abuse seems to me…
having intentions to abuse, neglect seems to be to me to do or not do something with not having direct intentions to cause pain or abuse

If I forgot to pick up my wifes’ dry cleaning because I had my issue at work on my mind & drove straight home that’s neglect
If I did the same thing with the intentions of not doing anything at all for my wife that’s mean & abusive

But I can see how my wife would think I was being abusive but I most of us just found out what was going on in our spouses mind when they did what they did and that the hurt us we would find it really had nothing to do with us & that they had something else going on or their mind was elsewhere

It isn’t us that assume that our spouse has done it on purpose & we know most of them don’t do it on purpose

Their mind is just elsewhere at the time

[dday101798]

Dday101798


Neglect from Dictonary.com
1. to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight: The public neglected his genius for many years.
2. to be remiss in the care or treatment of: to neglect one's family; to neglect one's appearance.
3. to omit, through indifference or carelessness: to neglect to reply to an invitation.
4. to fail to carry out or perform (orders, duties, etc.): to neglect the household chores.
5. to fail to take or use: to neglect no precaution.

To me this word doesn’t mean abuse

From Dictionary.com
1. to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one's authority.
2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4. to commit sexual assault upon.
5. Obsolete. to deceive or mislead.
–noun
6. wrong or improper use; misuse: the abuse of privileges.
7. harshly or coarsely insulting language: The officer heaped abuse on his men.
8. bad or improper treatment; maltreatment: The child was subjected to cruel abuse.
9. a corrupt or improper practice or custom: the abuses of a totalitarian regime.
10. rape or sexual assault.
11. Obsolete. DECEPTION.


Abuse seems to me…
having intentions to abuse, neglect seems to be to me to do or not do something with not having direct intentions to cause pain or abuse

If I forgot to pick up my wifes’ dry cleaning because I had my issue at work on my mind & drove straight home that’s neglect
If I did the same thing with the intentions of not doing anything at all for my wife that’s mean & abusive

But I can see how my wife would think I was being abusive but I most of us just found out what was going on in our spouses mind when they did what they did and that the hurt us we would find it really had nothing to do with us & that they had something else going on or their mind was elsewhere

It isn’t us that assume that our spouse has done it on purpose & we know most of them don’t do it on purpose

Their mind is just elsewhere at the time

Wow, look at that, right in the definition of ABUSE (see #8 that I bolded for you?), bad, improper, or maltreated, synonymous with NEGLECT. Thank you for pointing that out.

[alexjadams]

Dday101798

If a parent don't give their child lunch for one day is that abuse?

If a parent doesn't feed thier child at all is that neglect?

Also what you put in bold is what Dictonary.com states as ABUSE not neglect


thesaurus.com
Abuse

Synonyms: corruption, crime, debasement, delinquency, desecration, exploitation, fault, injustice, misapplication, misconduct, misdeed, mishandling, mismanage, misuse, offense, perversion, prostitution, sin, wrong, wrongdoing

http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/abuse

thesaurus.com
Neglect

Synonyms: carelessness, coolness, delinquency, disdain, disregardance, disrespect, heedlessness, inadvertence, inattention, inconsideration, indifference, laxity, laxness, oversight, scorn, slight, thoughtlessness, unconcern

http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/neglect

Call me ignorant, but I still can't seem to make the connection

please explain to me how you connect the two

[Jack_Three_Beans]

...

symantics.

If the spouse felt neglected...brought it up and was ignored...rinse repeat...ad naseum...when is enough enough?

[alexjadams]

semantics
noun (used with a singular verb) 1. Linguistics. a. the study of meaning.
b. the study of linguistic development by classifying and examining changes in meaning and form.

2. Also called significs. the branch of semiotics dealing with the relations between signs and what they denote.
3. the meaning, or an interpretation of the meaning, of a word, sign, sentence, etc.: Let's not argue about semantics.
4. general semantics.

number 3 is my point "interpretation"

1. the act of interpreting; elucidation; explication: This writer's work demands interpretation.
2. an explanation of the meaning of another's artistic or creative work; an elucidation: an interpretation of a poem.
3. a conception of another's behavior: a charitable interpretation of his tactlessness.
4. a way of interpreting.
5. the rendering of a dramatic part, music, etc., so as to bring out the meaning, or to indicate one's particular conception of it.
6. oral translation.

Could we be neglecting (or being neglected) and interpreting that as abuse??

& if we are doing that could our spouse be doing the same & feeling the same???

[dday101798]

Dday101798

If a parent don't give their child lunch for one day is that abuse?

If a parent doesn't feed thier child at all is that neglect?

Also what you put in bold is what Dictonary.com states as ABUSE not neglect

Call me ignorant, but I still can't seem to make the connection

please explain to me how you connect the two

As you wish, if that parent does not feed there child one time, it is neglect, when it is repeated time and time it then is concidered abusive. You can quote all the damn dictive meanings you want here, we are not speaking in terms of black and white. We are talking about poeples feelings and when someone feels neglected enough by not getting their own specific needs from their relationship with someone, they then would become to feel abused as a result of that constant neglect.

Clearly your point here is create a pissing for distance contest with someone, sorry, I get enough of that from my XW. Thus I've made my point.