I don't know if this advice is going to sound insane but what if, when she attacks your character/personality, you just tell her that you'd appreciate her not doing that or something. I mean, I don't think we're just supposed to sit around and take everything that they dish out.
Quoting Stephanep: If she is unaware that her mood swings and so disruptive, then she will see no need to change, and I will ALWAYS be the one to remove myself. This I see as unfair! OK, you can tell me its petty, but it builds resentment and takes away much of my desire to spend time with her and our daughter. So if I always REMOVE MYSELF, how is that going to work?
Hi Steph, But your wife is aware of her bad moods. She basically admitted this when she asked if her mood is the reason for you leaving. By removing yourself, you are removing yourself from her perception that her M to you is the sole source of her unhappiness. Now if you are no longer part of the problem and you continue in her presence to be strong, confident and happy, she will start to wonder why if you are happy why she is not. By your actions you are influencing her to look within herself for the answers.
I know, and it is working. Last night, when we went out for supper, she was in a better mood and tried to be happy and all. I guess now its just MY heart that isn't into it. It's not that I am in a bad mood. Quite the contrary, I just dont seem to feel like spending ANY time with her. She has sort of robed me of that pleasure in the last two weeks. I enjoy her company, but not as much. It all seems fake to me now for some reason. I cant explain it, wish I could! I dont feel the nedd nor the desire to call her to see how things are going. I end our conversation rather quickly (although always in a chearfull and polite manner), I dont invite her to breakfast/brunch/supper any more...have no desire to. For the past two Sundays, I have gon to brunch with my parents and in the past have always invited her and she has accepted many times, but for the past two weeks, I have NOT invited her simply because I did not wish to. I have nothing against her, I'm not mad, just sort of getting tired of it all, sort of bored ??? If that makes any sens? She has asked if my parents asked if she was coming or where she was on those Sundays. I tell no...because my parents dont ask. They are good that way: accept that I invite her or not without any questions or judgements. It is as if now she WANTS to be asked...but I will not. As I have said, I'm tired of making all the efforts. She will now have to start making some of the invitations if she intends to spend time with me. I have done so too often. She has grown accustomed to it. And I am not really intersted.
I have NO plans right now, I am doinf none of this with goals in mind...simply following my heart for the moment.
Don't sweat it man. If that is how you are feeling right now then just accept it. I know that we all start out on this journey to save our marriage but I agree that at some point the other partner needs to contribute to rebuilding as well.
Keep up the positive changes, I have noticed a definite change in tone between now and your earlier posts. I seems you have found some peace at last. You sound like you are in a much better place emotionally than just a few weeks ago. Thats good.
I read in a post by KentS that DB'ing is an endurance event and that you need to be in it for the long haul. Take this time to recharge your batteries. This distance you are feeling may just be your way of catching your breath.
Peace Out.
Brought to you by a preadapted, preeminent analysis engine, and therein lies the root of all evil.
Steph, I can somewhat relate to your feelings, yet my h has only been gone for a week. I called him about dinner with d and I . I asked him about movie this weekend. But then I was always the one who did the asking in our m. If I don't call him, will he think I don't care?? I'm going to give it a shot. Even though I miss him, I don't miss the tension he felt, so I feel better alone right now. There are bound to be all different feelings as we go through this long process. We have to sort them out. Enjoy this peace that you are feeling. Sue
steph, I know where you are... been there... done that... think i'll do it again... be forewarned that it is typically when you reach the point that you are at now that the was does start to come around.... for now stay with how you feel... it will help you. It sounds like you are just tired and fed up with the "game" basically I think in most cases it becomes a game of cat & mouse... we chase they run we stop chasing they look back and say hey why aren't they chasing why aren't they down??? let me take a look back and see what's going on.... it is enough to drive you crasy!!!!
hope that you are finding a new peace with yourself (wich is sounds like you are) enjoy the new phase you've entered hold onto it as long as you can!!!
I can relate to how you're feeling. I'm feeling similarly right now.
In my case, I started out being angry. I saw Aida the revision of the opera by Tim Rice and Elton John. Love story between a Nubian princess and an Egyptian Captain who captures her.
The princess is so dignified and strong and the captain does everything he can to win her love.
I felt angry because I was acting the Captain and he was acting the princess. Darn it, I KNOW I need to be dignified and strong.
So, now my anger has faded and I am feeling very detached from my husband. I'm tired of chasing. Don't know what I want, except not to be bothered with the whole drama.
Quoting lostlove: hope that you are finding a new peace with yourself (wich is sounds like you are) enjoy the new phase you've entered hold onto it as long as you can!!!
I am totaly at peace with the way I am. More so than I have ever been. But it also seems sad to have reached this place. Like it could very well be the end of my relationship, but that I no longer care enough to make any effort?
We have a C session next Monday, I am already dileberating wether or not I will ask my wife NOT to come (when we made the appointment, she planned on coming). I sort of feel like I want to go on my own, to get my barings straight, find a focus, get approval for my feelings (Ya Ya, I know, I dont need anybody`s approval to feel any way I do!!! lol). A session with my wife serves very little purpose now. First of all, she has said time and again that it IS over...and second, I am now feeling like I WANT it to be??? So what would be the goal in going to a session with my wife?
Quote: First of all, she has said time and again that it IS over...and second, I am now feeling like I WANT it to be??? So what would be the goal in going to a session with my wife?
if nothing else to express and explore that feeling....
is there a way you could have a session with c alone before the joint session? LL
I dont feel the nedd nor the desire to call her to see how things are going. I end our conversation rather quickly (although always in a chearfull and polite manner), I dont invite her to breakfast/brunch/supper any more...have no desire to. For the past two Sundays, I have gon to brunch with my parents and in the past have always invited her and she has accepted many times, but for the past two weeks, I have NOT invited her simply because I did not wish to. I have nothing against her, I'm not mad, just sort of getting tired of it all, sort of bored ??? If that makes any sens? She has asked if my parents asked if she was coming or where she was on those Sundays. I tell no...because my parents dont ask. They are good that way: accept that I invite her or not without any questions or judgements. It is as if now she WANTS to be asked...but I will not. As I have said, I'm tired of making all the efforts. She will now have to start making some of the invitations if she intends to spend time with me. I have done so too often. She has grown accustomed to it. And I am not really intersted. 
for my feelings (Ya Ya, I know, I dont need anybody`s approval to feel any way I do!!! lol). A session with my wife serves very little purpose now. First of all, she has said time and again that it IS over...and second, I am now feeling like I WANT it to be??? So what would be the goal in going to a session with my wife?