So i have done the most idiotic thing in the world. I spied on my wife and got caught.
I was going to install virus software on her computer and she left her gmail open and i read it.
Not only that, i told her sister something about the email and boom, instant death.
My wife was sooo pissed, that she is now back in waw mode and thinks i have been spying on her since day 1 in every aspect of her life. Which is not true.
I don't know what to do. I am convinced this was the last straw. Why would she forgive me now? why should she trust me now?
Well, I can understand reading her email. i can't understand mentioning it to her sister. You were asking to get caught. Did you learn anything that helped you? I hope you found what you were looking for, because you won't get another chance.
Have to agree with lotus on this one. Why on earth did you mention it to her sister?? Now that you have, you cant rewind this. Just keep moving forward. There isn't much you can do about your w not trusting you. Frankly I would be mad too. Maybe an apology then let it alone. Someone with more experience on this kind of thing can probably tell you better.
I know where you are. Violating my wife's trust by looking for and reading her journal was the last straw for her. It didn't matter that I was right in my fears, that she was lying to me about her intentions, and that she was planning to leave me. And since trust has become a core issue for us, and forgiveness is something that has never come easy for my wife, well, I have a uphill battle.
Apologize, don't do it again, DONT TELL HER SISTER, and try to sow her with your actions that you are both sorry and worthy of her trusting you again. Good luck!
let me clarify. i didn't tell her sister that i spied. the email was about her. I let her know what someone had said about her. Later in the day, she asked my wife about that and my wife put 2 and 2 together.
But you are right. I violated her trust. Stupid me for looking. This fling with the OM has me going apenuts.
My wife was sooo pissed, that she is now back in waw mode and thinks i have been spying on her since day 1 in every aspect of her life. Which is not true.
I don't know what to do. I am convinced this was the last straw. Why would she forgive me now? why should she trust me now?
I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. She has an OM!!! She is an untrustworthy person (at this point) and you are treating her as such. Boo hoo. You wouldn't have done that if she wasn't an untrustworthy cheater right now.
Why should you forgive her or trust her is what I would be asking???
I thought it was women who couldn't keep their mouths shut. Fine, you got caught because you are like the shoplifter who drops his wallet running out the door. So apologize and move on. Hope that she does too. If you know she has OM, what is the point of snooping anyway? And no, I don't think snooping is a bigger crime than cheating. So I wouldn't take too much heat for it.
The OM was at the beginning of our separation. She promised me that she wouldn't continue with it, but in the back of my mind i could never stop thinking about it. I have asked her here and there if she thinks of him and she says yes here and there.
When I saw that her email was open i could not resist. I felt the need to look and see if there was something there.
But it doesn't matter that i was justified or not. The only thing this shows is that i don't trust my wife and now she doesn't trust me.
Well, I wouldn't act all wimpy and be apologizing. She had/has an OM (not sure about that), left an email open, and of course you were going to check it. Of course you don't trust her--she has to EARN your trust. I think most of us here would have done the same as you.
WAS do all kinds of cheating and lying and then when you do any little action, they jump all over it. And the more extreme her anger, the more likely it is probably that she has something to hide.
Please don't grovel or whatever. I wouldn't even spend much time talking about it and zero time apologizing for it. I would say if she wants you to trust her, she has to earn your trust.
I do think you should kind of say that in a cool, confident, nonangry tone. Just matter of fact. Then try to end the conversation after a couple minutes. Maybe plan something to do so you won't get involved in some long R talk...
