my wife said she read the first two chapters of DR

[texasbobby]

Well like my subject says i mail my WAW the first two chapters of DR. She said she read it ,but changes nothing court is on Oct.23 in Va. I dont understand how anyone can read the first two chapters and say it didnt do anything.

I know i shouldnt have sent them to her ,but i did read in the back where the one story in the sucess part where the mans WAW read the book and came around. Just thought she would like too know all the facts before letting others influnce her decision.

Im at a complete loss here. I cant see her, she cant see me ; we live 1500 miles apart now. Looks like all i can do is pray.
Pray for my children and me. I feel like i have done all i can do. Without me there in Va. she gets a one sided support group. Sad thing is she said dont come back she doesnt need me in her life. This from the woman who wanted to get remarried earlier this year. How can time apart destroy everything we have held sacraed for so many years?

I can really use all the insight i can get.

Godbless everyone that walks through hell for the ones they love.

[v1olin]

A friend of mine gave my w a copy of DB and it still lies in a trunk - unread 6 months later. I doubt your wife really read those chapters, maybe skimmed them.

[texasbobby]

yeah i agree, who knows anymore. i doubt she would take the time to read anything thats different from her pov. all she said was stop and court is on the 23rd

[KiwiMan]

Hi texasbobby,

You situation sounds similar to mine, in the fact that they are getting the one way support from her side. The issue with that aswell is the fact that in the DR book, it says that often those closest people (Family etc)to the WAW are not the best as far as saving the marriage goes. They want to see the person happy and minimise the period of pain or guilt for them. That is the hardest thing in my head at the moment too.

Th hard thing is, reading the DR book and talking to alot of other level headed people the advice is all the same. Infact, everytime I read something on here or in the DR book it makes me think "If only she read this" or "How can I get her to read this without it coming from me or my side of the situation".

I have thought about things like asking her mum to suggest it to her, but then can you trust that the mother will not tell her you put her up to it"

Everything is so one sided, and its hard to detach.. but I had a big situation this morning that made me so proud of myself, even though I was boiling inside...

It does seem to get easier as the days go by, however all it takes is the smallest of events to kick the whole lot up in your face again.

Take care, I too am living in hope that it doesn't take long for the grass is greener situation to change.. but who knows.. its dealing with the fact that she may never realise, and thats where it comes down to you detaching and focusing on yourself, and the kids... Thats what hurts the most.

Good luck

[wanttobebetter]

All you can do is hope for the best but be ready for the worst. I feel for you in the fact there is a lot of distance between you and your kids. Maybe you can get that work in your favor.

[Virtually_Handsome]

bobby,

A couple of suggestions....

First, keep to one thread. It makes it a lot easier for people to follow you, and your story.

Second, you have to stop blaming her family. And her for that matter. It's not going to help, that's for sure. Right now she thinks her family is all she has, so any attacks on them are attacks on her.

Third. you need to calm down. Find out from your lawyer what can be done to delay things. And make it the lawyer's fault! Time can be on your side, but it is going to take a lot of time. I sense that you are in a perpetual panic. That's not going to do the job at all.

Read DR. Take care of being a better bobby. That's all you can do right now. If she is seeing the bobby I see here, I'm sorry to say, she's not coming back. You have the power to change you, so get to it!

[texasbobby]

she called yesterday and asked if i would ship all of here stuff back. i said i cant afford it ,and really cant. she went on a rampage, i let her get it out. before i lost my cool i politly got of the phone.

i call the usual time to talk to the kids,she blocked my number.
i called her dads house and same thing. so she is using the kids as leverage. her father called me and we got into it bad. he said im not to call her or the kids.they are my kids and i wont have them taken from me. i was so angry i could have driven there to kill the sob.

i dont think she will come around as long as she is with her father. thats the same thing her mother said last night. so i guess it finally over. theres no light at the end of the tunnel, think i need to move on.

[RedSoxFan]

yeah i agree, who knows anymore. i doubt she would take the time to read anything thats different from her pov. all she said was stop and court is on the 23rd

The more time you spend pursuing her the easier it is for her to not think and to fall back on the advice of those around her. By pursuing, sending the chapters, etc. you are helping their cause TB.

Not preaching at you because I'm working hard to figure this stuff out too. But sometimes it's really obvious when we're looking at other people's sitch.

I kind of think about it like chasing a balloon. I'm waiving my arms at it and it keeps getting further away but at the same time I'm afraid to stop chasing it because of where it may end up. It may come back to me or it may blow away in another direction. The only thing that is certain is that chasing it always drives it further away.

[texasbobby]

well after the big fight with her dad. detaching is going to be much easier. sad i cant even talk to my kids.

[ppenton]

well after the big fight with her dad. detaching is going to be much easier. sad i cant even talk to my kids.

I have not followed your sitch but have you contacted a lawyer? You need to find out your rights...praying for you and your kids