Bewildered

[Buttercup37]

I'm learning through this process that emotions should be felt but taking action during the influence of emotions is usually a very bad idea. I have a hard time with it too...but am trying very hard to learn. Think of emotions as affecting your goals and reasons like a drug or drink maybe. Acknowledge your emotions and find a way to get them out (exercise, writing, friend support, sports, whatever...) but if you want to save your marriage, your W does not need or have a right to see your sadness, anger, etc.

I know it's easier said than done but one day at a time I guess. Good Luck!

[KiwiMan]

Thanks Buttercup It is the hard thing. I have been quite good for the most part. And I realise that its only been 3 weeks really since the bomb... so I should get ready for the long haul. I guess the other thing I need to get my head around is that there will be or is other guys involved... thats probably the next emotion explosion waiting to happen on this journey.

[Gynandtonix]

Your sitch almost mirrors my own......

I truly feel your pain and bewilderment in what to do.

Have you seen any improvement since you've started DBing?

Regards,
Gyn

[KiwiMan]

Hi Gyn,

There was definatley improvement when using the 180 technique and going dark, but then i would stuff it up by bringing up the relationship again.

I have actually just been thinking alot over the last few days... after reading more of the DR book.

And to be totally honest, its only been about a month since she walked out but I think I have reached a point where I don't actually want her back, even if she asked to come back now.


I think I was more angry at the time about her leaving because it upset my current life situation. And its made me realise that I was probably too dependant on her in the marriage. And I have come to realise that she as a person cannot give me what I need in the relationship.

SHe has also said recently that her head is a mess at the moment but the one thing she is sure about is her decision to leave me.

I feel really good about this and I do not even have an urge to find out what she is doing.

I actually feel like telling her that she had her chance and now I do not want her back... ever...

Its tempting but probably something I shouldn't say.

[KiwiMan]

Well, that last post wasn't really truthful... I am not over her. Its hard.

We ended up cathing up with friends yesterday all met at a bar. We all had a good time and I didn't bring up any relationship stuff. She text me back this morning and said she had a good day and that she enjoyed catching up.

The problem is, I try and read into things too much.

I guess its a positive that she was willing to catch up at all, so soon.

The hardest thing is having patience, I guess we are all looking for the quick fix.

Argh!