Help Me Bust My Divorce

[antlers]

What is there that can relieve these hurts. My grief is constant. I maintain connections with encouraging, and loving friends, but the reality of this loss is just devastating. I can be in a good and healthy environment this a.m. and tonight the loneliness sets in. Just don't know how to disconnect.

It's time man...more than anything, it's gonna be time. All the other stuff you've read about here helps you too, and it helps you bide that time. You gotta work harder on detatching, plain and simple. I know it hurts, believe me I do!

[K4D]

To you, or anyone else in the Dallas area, or able to get to Dallas, check out www.theroadadventure.org. Best program I've ever seen for GAL, establishing who you are, your purpose, and where to next. I went through the program in June and am a volunteer now. I can say with total confidence, that if my wife would go through the program, she would at least give our relationship another try. If you can get here, and bring spouse for sure, do yourself the favor.

Fightin4mywife,

A friend of mine told me about this program as well. He wants me to do it. My W will not do it with me. She won't do anything with me that could help us in the least bit. But the program was highly recommended to me.

I to live in the Dallas area as I saw you do. I live in Addison. I have met a couple of people that live in this area. It would be great to get all of us together for a local support group.

Kevin

[K4D]

FaithfulH is moving here and IRMAC lives in McKinney. There was another DBer that left the site a while back that lives in Arlington.

Kevin

[K4D]

Ok, so far these are the people that live in the Dallas area on this site that I have located.

Jon2911, IRMAC, SoCo, FaithfulH and myself.

It would be great if we could form a local DB support group here and all meet at dinner sometime.

Let me know your thoughts,

Kevin

[Fightin4mywife]

K4D,
Sorry, I've been off-line and out of touch for a week or two. I am definitely interested in meeting and testing the waters for a support group. I've already started such in my fire department where I work as there are several of us going through this struggle together. We don't meet, just share resources and communicate by phone/email from time to time.

I don't know if there are disclosure rules or anything regarding personal communication info but perhaps we could start with email and phone. I can be reached at: [e-mail] (thats a zero b4 the 2) and phone is 469-323-3050.

I'll look for a response. Please pass this idea on to these other folks that you know and lets see what we can arrange. Thanks for the idea.

Jim

[goalie]

in Dallas as well - Richardson - must be the water around here

new here - first post - 30yr marriage - been lurking a couple of months - will share when I get my thoughts together and have enough time

[Fightin4mywife]

Goalie,

Thanks for jumping in and welcome. I am fairly new myself and cannot claim any DBing successes aside from beginning to GAL. My ability to maintain consistency in dealing with my wife has been somewhat weak, but improving.

My greatest challenge is to refrain from reaching out to her with appeals and pleadings to reconsider. So actually I have very little to offer accept to encourage u to consider some coaching. Chuck has been a huge help to me.

In the meantime, feel free to call or email and lets try to get something together here in the metroplex. I am in Richardson at least 2-3 times per month. Let me hear from you.

Jim

[Fightin4mywife]

Can someone out there help me? I am working on discovery phase of this divorce suit right now and my attorney wants everything. WAW's attorney initiated discovery and wants all records including diaries, and journals.

I have a journal of conversations that I have kept strictly because of my wifes vindictive nature. Additionally, I have several hours of recorded conversation that they want. Much of this stuff is very incriminating to my wife. Legally, because my attorney is aware of the items, I am required to produce them.

My obvious concern is that my wife's attorney will incite my wife by playing this up as my attempt to damage her. They are personal records that I did not anticipate having to produce to the court.

I fear that this stuff will reinforce the wall that already exists between us and make reconciliation even more unlikely. If I fail to produce them I am possibly subject to contempt and fines. I am just unsure how to proceed.

I have received counsel to destroy it and counsel to produce it. Unsure myself. Any ideas?

thanks, jim

[robx]

...I fear that this stuff will reinforce the wall that already exists between us and make reconciliation even more unlikely. If I fail to produce them I am possibly subject to contempt and fines. I am just unsure how to proceed.

I have received counsel to destroy it and counsel to produce it. Unsure myself. Any ideas?

thanks, jim

That's where your first error is,
"I fear..."

Detach.

You don't fear anything.

This process is happening, it isn't going away and she expects you to fear her, why not give her something different, why not show her and everyone else you're a man by not backing down. She can't respect you if you're just going to take a beating all in the name of "love", show her you don't plan on just taking whatever is given to you. I have read in several examples on these forums where the WAS started thinking differently about their LBS when that LBS stood up for themselves finally whereas before they normally didn't.

Is that the pattern of behavior in your life and your relationship with her? Being "nice", Mr.Nice Guy, being a doormat, being walked all over, supplicating her & her behavior, buying gifts and working extra hard to show that you almost equal her value, etc.

Drop the rope, let go of trying to get her back, if she wants to come back, it will be on her, you can't force her. All you can do is control you, does this "evidence" give you an upper hand in your legal action with her, does it show you're not fooling around anymore?

[Fightin4mywife]

Robx

I cannot say that I have historically played the mr nice guy. My typical behavior was actually rather destructive. I would have a tendency to get angry and act inappropriately. Since the D process started I have been more wimpy and door-mattish. Of course since learning the DBing principles I am moving in a different direction but still struggle in some areas to maintain my 180's and detaching. But I am commited.

The evidence will give me a slight edge as far as showing her instability and irrational thinking. I just am uncertain that this is good DBing to build a case to "destroy" my wife. These attorneys, mine included, are b*****ds that have no mercy and are not the least bit interested in relationship healing, only in winning for their client. Winning at all costs to me looks more like protecting my wife and less like kicking her A## just because she is doing that to me. And of course the winning I am talking about is showing her mercy, inspite of her aggression, for purposes of reconciliation.

Perhaps I'm all wet. But then, I'm quite new and inexperienced at divorce. Thank you for the input.

jim