First off- I am posting this in more than one forum so I "reach" as many people as possible- thanks
I have a question for anyone that has attended Retrouvaille-
I was talking to Sara last night and she mentioned something about 'fair fighting' and getting over past hurts being a big focus at retro.
My H and I don't really argue like that. He doesn't really throw anything in my face or vice versa. The only thing we "fight" about is how to move forward (divorce or reconcile..or keep doing limbo). The only time the disappointment and past hurts comes up is when I am trying to figure out why we can't move forward.
My parents say terrible things to each other and both of them don't want to change (do the right thing) until the other one does it first. Retro would probably be good for a couple like that.
But my H and I don't say awful things to each other. H is afraid that if we move back in together and he risks his heart, that he will end up being disappointed again. Is Retro going to help us have clarity or will it just be a disappointment because it's not addressing the right issue?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
My H and I just went through our Retro weekend about 3 weeks ago. Without going into a lot of details about the program due to its confidentiality, I will say that going into the program as an act of faith is pretty important.
Every couple there is in a different place and so the process will affect each differently. I am sure, since we are still in the middle of the program, that "fair fighting" will eventually be covered, but you have to realize that it is not the purpose of or the focus of a Retrouvaille weekend. You start with very basic stuff in communicating and exercises that help you reconnect as a couple. The weekend is but the tip of the iceberg though, and follow through with the post sessions is where the real "meat" is.
If your husband is willing to go, then I say sign up without hesitation. You are almost guaranteed to get WAY more than you bargained for...in a GOOD way, that is...
