? for people who have gone to Retrouvaille

[Trixi]

I have a question for anyone that has attended Retrouvaille-

I was talking to Sara last night and she mentioned something about 'fair fighting' and getting over past hurts being a big focus at retro.

My H and I don't really argue like that. He doesn't really throw anything in my face or vice versa. The only thing we "fight" about is how to move forward (divorce or reconcile..or keep doing limbo). The only time the disappointment and past hurts comes up is when I am trying to figure out why we can't move forward.

My parents say terrible things to each other and both of them don't want to change (do the right thing) until the other one does it first. Retro would probably be good for a couple like that.

But my H and I don't say awful things to each other. H is afraid that if we move back in together and he risks his heart, that he will end up being disappointed again. Is Retro going to help us have clarity or will it just be a disappointment because it's not addressing the right issue?

[Trixi]

I got a text message earlier from him saying
"I'm really struggling with this. I had some plans for the weekend and we can't jam tonight, so I am leaning towards no"

I wrote back and said "Hmmm.... I guess I'm not sure how missing a jam session and changing some plans is going to have the same impact on your future as possibly getting come clarity by going to something that won't be back for 6 months"

He hasn't responded back. That was over an hour ago. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe I should have just said "Thanks- you just gave me the clarity I needed". But I thought that since he was "struggling" and "leaning" that I should give it one last shot.

so bummed. so so bummed.