SSGA about the legal side. Yeah, don't do anything without the OK from the lawyer... Although if I was you I've start looking for a lawyer with a proven track record where fathers have gotten custody. I'd hate to see you screwed by the system the way that IWantItToWork has been.
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So bear with me.
Sure, as long as you don't mind the occasional growl.
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The bonus was I got a great beer mug out of it
Is that the consolation or the booby prize? Sorry... it's late and I lost my sense of humor a couple of hours ago.
OK, here's a new rule for you now. STOP DRINKING. You need to be on full alert 101% of the time. Alcohol screws up your mind. If you feel down then exercise. Start doing pushups and situps.
been a few more days since last post so thought it was time to write down some thoughts.
The trip to FL with my boys has been one of the best things i could have ever done. infact, i wish i had done this three months ago. Lesson learned is that the need for MY family was overwhelming. Having them over 780 miles away was much tougher than I realized. now that I am with them and my boys, I see things in a much more clear light. taking the bull by the horns and moving on with the D on my terms was the right thing to do. Each day I become more and more detached from WAS. To the point now where I am a WAS. She calls and I have no longing feelings for her. I am no longer begging for anything from her, just ready to move on. I find myself thinking about a time, someday in the future, when I will share my life with someone else who will care for me and who i will respect. I am in no hurry for that, but know that when it comes someday, it will be done the right way. The other epiphinay I had this week was that I realized I like who I am. The last 5 months have made me question every part of myself. But I realize now that I am a good guy, a good person, a good catch. sure I had issues that needed attention, but not to the xtent that WAS made them out to be. DBing encouraged me to self examine and to come to terms with who i am and who i want to be. its certainly a shame for the boys that this is what it took to get here, but it is what it is. One thing they now have is a VERY attentive and involved dad. That wont change.
I am now focusing on the future. Much is in limbo as the "process" will take some time. However, by Spring perhaps this will be complete and I can begin to move on with my new life with the boys (however that will look)
Gnosis, on your points, i have a great L who is highly focused on preserving my rights as a father, so I feel very good there. I am also not a big drinker so no issues on that side. I do enjoy an occasional good cold beer or adult beverage, but learned long ago that those are things to enjoy only in moderation. I am still a competitive swimmer, so the two really dont mix well :-)
I will say a prayer for all on this board that each of us can find things to be thankful for this year, even in the midst of the very tough situations we each face.
Last edited by shellshockedga; 11/24/0903:09 AM.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Last week was a great week. Spending thanksgiving away was just what the doctor ordered. My sons and I had a great time, played golf, caught bass and enjoyed time with my parents. Of course, all good things must come to an end as did our time away.
Upon returning I was hit with the reality of the situation and a lack of a divorce filing from the WAS. Tired of letting this sit, I decided last night to file myself. Paperwork is done and signed, tomorrow i will bring it to the courthouse myself. I realize that may be a bit challenging, but I believe it is the right thing todo.
I experienced a range of emotions today as I dealt with the lawyers on my side. There was sadness and pain, anger and then numbness. But, in the end, I realized that the WAS has given me no choice. Limboland sucks. Her actions suck. I deserve better, my kids deserve better. We are going to have BETTER.
Tonight we all (including WAS.....) decorated the family Chistmas tree. Perhaps this was the toughest thing to handle. I did this for the children, it was important to them. It is the last time as a family with the WAS. Of course, I will continue with the kids next year.
But I made it through.
All other issues have been handled. Soon, negotions begin and she will be on her own. Most importantly, I am ready to move on with my life.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
SSGA, firstly I'm sorry... funny how that one word cannot seem to convey the sympathy correctly, but it's there. You're right, you have not been left with a choice. You and the kids deserve better and you'll get it.
You've made tremendous strides with yourself. You've grown and come out of this a better and stronger man. Rest assured that you tried the best you could. The next woman you get involved with will reap all the benefits... and there are many... some you're not even aware of. Of this I'm confident.
You're a good man and a great father. You're a shining example for your sons and they will respect you for trying and standing up for yourself. Yes, you made it through this the better man.
And, I'm not trying to give you hope here, but don't be surprised if you filing wakes her up from the fog. This is a possibility and has happened before, especially when the LBH has taken back the control.
Don't compromise my friend. Go for the best deal you can get, for your sons. I hope you continue posting here.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Tristan and Gnosis, thank you both for the kind and supportive words. They all mean a lot to me and are helping me right now to cope with what I had to do this morning.
Now, the ball is in her court (so to speak) as we will wait for their comments.
I will continue to follow Coach's advice on taking parrallel paths.
I have now retaken control. It doesn't make me feel any better, but I KNOW it is better.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Beer mugs are always a plus. LOL!