Sorry new guy, now I'm getting this.HELP! In late May my wife had a death in her family and she has been under a lot of stress,work,home,money.By July "accept if I want to stay with a man that will not change." "I talk for my husband,told to focus on me."What she didn't know is I have wanted to change a lot.Like most men wait until it becomes a crisis. It started she said she was "broken" and "numb" no feeling at all to extreme anger to me,she says terrible things to me,but it would be ok,fortunately "more good than bad."August "hope we get through this too, you're not helping your cause." "I want to be alone."She is showing a lot of signs of a midlife crisis.we are currently seperated she is seeing a counselor I am seeing a counselor,that has a hunch at somepoint this would have happened regardless of who she married after meeting w/ her he said she said i never offered emotional support?, we are not going together,she is seeing someone for her issues me for ours.Late July she said she did love me,i didn't realize i was pushing and it spiraled down hill too quick.we have been seperated for 2 months and our relationship has not gotten anybetter.I am following the last resort techniques and changing myself found out I have ADD working a 40 hr wk vs 65,reading books,phone sessions,focusing on myself and kids.Oh we are currently switching weeks at the house,but she is saying don't worry about her focus on me build a relationship on the kids.Only positive is email about the kids, no texts about us or calls or discussion about us from her or me.Did tell me she is seeing her counselor and her counselor knows everything about me, wife doesn't know, but I have seen this counselor a lot,too,but counselor isn't telling me what my wife says, but she knows my intentions.But I am the only one her tone of voice changes with if she talks to me.She is seeing this counselor to help her find her voice and empower herself and will not take any suggestions from me even as a friend.Ideas would be great. Is there a difference between a female or males midlife crisis?Or is this a WAW with a lot of built up anger?Can someone tell me what to expect and chances of putting this back together?I have always been committed to her and kids.She has built a relationship with a neighbor who has told me they have a "brother/sister relationship."I do not think they are intimate.He is older,but they do a lot for eachother and talk nonstop,he even offered her his house this week while I have kids.Wife's counselor knows this,too. HELP!!! Lived together since 19 Married 15yrs Both 37 2 children 14yr old g, 11yr old b all yrs of marriage worked seperate shifts,she handled finances
We've all (or most of us) on these boards been there, in some way or another. It's tough, and its only going to get tougher. As it says in the DR book, those of use who want to save the marriage are going to have to do most of the hard work/heavy lifting for the next while.
Read as much as you can. Read DB and DR several times, read lots of posts. Hang in there.
Oh - and paragraphs are your friend and ours. It will make it easier to read for the rest of us.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
Jack, I think newcomers should post here many times b/c there's a bit more traffic. This may be MLC or could be something else.
It sounds to me like your W is having at least an EA. I'm sorry, but that's how it sounds to me. I think you should read DR, keep posting here, read other's threads, you will find support here.
