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Originally Posted By: garyjlost
The strange thing is she's fairly affectionate at church. This is one of the few places where she really wants me to put my arm around her and to hold hands. I suppose maybe because it's safe?


Safe, as in -- he can't do anything sexual *here*!

Plus that, at church, you're a bit of a "trophy husband" in the unspoken competitions that women have with each other there: who looks better, who is dressed finer, who has (and doesn't have) a "good" church-going husband, who's husband is better looking, who's husband is more "successful" in career and in the community, and so forth.

-- B. (who is perhaps feeling a little cynical today...)


Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs
S25, D23, S13, S10
20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
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Bagheera:

You said:
"Safe, as in -- he can't do anything sexual *here*!"

Exactly. She doesn't have to worry about a thing.


You said:
"Plus that, at church, you're a bit of a 'trophy husband'"

Conveying the APPEARANCE of a happy marriage is much more important to her than actually BEING happily married.



me: 50
w (waw): 45
daughter: 9
m: 16
t: 19
bomb: 9/26/08
status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R

my story
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Gary,

Do you think your wife might read these two articles? They are excellent, and really put things in a unique perspective, if she'll only let her guard down long enough to read them.

"When a Woman Isn't in the Mood -- Part 1"

"When a Woman Isn't in the Mood -- Part 2"

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Puppy Dog Tails:

It's not out of the realm of possibilities. I'll take a look at the articles.

Thank you very much!



me: 50
w (waw): 45
daughter: 9
m: 16
t: 19
bomb: 9/26/08
status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R

my story
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 537
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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
[These two articles] are excellent, and really put things in a unique perspective.....

"When a Woman Isn't in the Mood -- Part 1"

"When a Woman Isn't in the Mood -- Part 2"


Great reference, PDT!

-- B.


Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs
S25, D23, S13, S10
20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
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