It would definately level the playing field in that all parties would have the "facts." It also would made your W FURIOUS with you and may not have the desired affect.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Telling the SO of the OP about the EA could backfire drastically, giving them a "us against the world" feeling and romanticising something that they should feel ashamed of and could bind them together more as they discuss how bad things have gotten for them since the news was out.
I know what you are wanting, to cause the OP the same pain and anguish that they have caused you and to 'get back at them' because 'how dare they live their happy life after they have shattered mine.'
What you have to remember is that they are not thinking about anyone but themselves right now, so your exposure would only cement in thier minds that you are 'controlling'.
Instead, I would suggest that you focus on you and your own journey to healing and strength... don't let them turn you into the 'bad guy'... do not let their actions drag you down to their level... you are stronger than that.
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
I tend to have an opposing view. If the OP has a significant other, they DESERVE to know what's going on in their lives. And exposure, if done correctly, can be your biggest weapon to bust up the A.
Exposure is not to punish or shame or anything like that. It's to bring to the light of day something that is hidden beneath the rocks. Many times exposure kicks the fantasy part of the A right in the groin.
Sugar is correct. Your spouse will be ANGRY. ANGER you never thought possible. But it can be an effective weapon in busting up the A which has to happen before your marriage has a chance.
But you also need to be prepared for the consequences. It might end your marriage also. So I wouldn't expose immediately and I wouldn't tell the whole world. I told OMW about 3 months after I discovered the A. And then I told my kids fully 7 months after that. But that was when I'd had enough and was going to file for D. My S17's shredding of his mom what was finally ended the A for good.
Did my exposure make our recovery difficult? Yes it did. But in my sitch, without that exposure, we'd be D'd right now.
And we are recovering nicely although it's been a long haul.
Exposure is something that each person needs to weigh carefully and decide for themselves.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I'm with Hope4Us. The other person's spouse has a right to know, and to make their own decisions accordingly for their own family. Why should they be the only one of the four of you that doesn't know the truth??
Thanks guys for the advice. I decided to try to expose the situation. The other person has not even acknowleged my contact yet and its been almost a week. I'm not sure what to make of that. Any thougts?
I have to say I really amazing the support on this forum has been. Even a few minutes on here can make a big difference. Wish I went on yesterday. Had huge backslide and not sure how that's going to affect things. Sometimes its just so hard.
I'm still trying to figure out my next move. We've seemed to ease into a state that W appears completlty comfortable with but I'm totally going insane.
