I am brand new. I talked with my coach yesterday who told me to let my husband stay in the house. He however won't give up his other woman but he still wants me to pick him up from the airport when he flies back from I am assuming seeing her. How can I let him stay when he won't give her up.
You probably can't force him to leave his own house, but you damned sure don't have to pick him up from the airport when he's coming back from cheating on you!
k, I'm glad Puppy said it first, but I'm with him. If hes a big enough boy to get on a plane to go see her, hes big enough to call a cab.
Figure out what your boundaries are and what the "deal breakers" are.
You can't keep him from doing whatever hes going to do, but you certainly don't have to facilitate it either.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
He wants his cake and to eat it, too... and it seems that he wants you to bake the cake while you are at it.
Let him find his own way home from the airport... perhaps it will open his eyes to the fact that you are not his personal doormat, driver and housekeeper.
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
What's the full story? How many kids? Married 19 years? What's his beef? How when did he tell you about OW? Where does she live? How did they meet? Are you sure he went to visit her? Why won't he leave? Are you still making love?
Last October he lost a very high powered job where he made a lot of money. He has not been able to get another job like that since. Then one day he said he was not happy. He said he has not been happy for a long time. Then he came around a few months later on Valentines Day and said he pulled his head out and was sorry and wanted to get back on track. Then this past summer he got a contract job in California. He would work during the week and fly home on the weekends. It was a little stressful but he kept saying short term pain for long term gain. He was hoping they would hire him full time. They did not. The second month he was there he started to go to his parents on some weekends, because his Dad is dying of alzheimers too, and he would come home only every other week. then the last month he was there, he stayed the whole month and I took my kids home to Colorado for vacation. When we got back he hit me with this again. I am not happy, I don't want to work on it, I just don't have it in me, I have fallen out of love, we've grown apart. He would say, I just can't get there from here or I just don't have it in me right now. We have 3 kids 18 boy, 13 girl and 6 girl. I suspected there was someone else but had no proof. I would ask him and he said no. One day I was looking at the cell phone bill online and saw the same number being called 5 - 10 times a day and conversations lasting for 10 minutes to 1 1/2 hours. Ding ding ding. The light went off. So I confronted him and he said yes I have someone I am COMMUNICATING with. He said I will not discuss this anymore. I asked if he felt bad and he said no because we have grown apart and he doesn't want to get it back. She lives in LA. I have no idea how long this has been going on or how indepth the relationship is. I asked if he had sex so I could go and get myself checked out and he said that was not necessary. I asked if because they had not had sex or because he felt she was clean. He would not answer. They meet when he was working out there for a buddy of his. Not the contract job I don't think. So this could've been going on since last Oct. or Nov. He said last week he cancelled his trip to focus on me and the kids and that he wanted his family back and I asked if he ended that relationship and he just said he wants us back and is willing to give it the try I have been asking for. Then this weekend he got really cold and told me it is over. I asked him to back up to what he said earlier and he said that was a mistake. He moved out of our room. He put an end to all physical stuff between us about 2 months ago. I guess he doesn't want to cheat on his girlfriend with his wife.
I just want my family back and I want to get my marriage back. I don't want to be a single mom or go to our kids life events separately. I am devastated but willing to work it out. He still calls during the day to check on the kids and see how my day is, but the second I bring something up about us he just shuts me down and says nothing has changed. Please give me advice on how to handle this and proceed.
I have gone out and applied for jobs, I have been a stay at home mom for 20 years and I guess I need to prepare for the worst. It is really scary since I have been totally dependent on my H for 24 years. Please help me.
Stop all R talks for now. He's shutting you down anyways, so it's just annoying him. Make him comfortable to call you, cause right now, he's not so much. That's ok, you can change that.
I am posting in two spots so from now on I will post under newcomers. Please read there because I really need your continued support. I have stopped all R talks. As I have posted under the other forum, he is leaving this weekend to see the OW. He says he is working, but I know he will see her too. This is making me sick on one hand and on the other I feel he is not worth my efforts. I try to keep the end goal in mind, however I feel like such an idiot because when I call him on it, he just says he is done with me and I can't tell him what to do, but then he goes and does nice things like bring me drinks from our favorite fast food joint, has coffee with me in the morning and eats dinner with us as a family. He still lives at home and when I tell him to leave, that I am giving him his out he says no that this is his house and he paid for it so he is not leaving. It is just killing me to do the DB techniques knowing he is seeing her this weekend.
Sorry, I forgot to mention, please read the rest of my posts on the newcomers forum. thank you for all your help. Please don't stop the advice and support coming. I need it really bad right now.
