Questions on Moving Away from Your Kids

[merrick]

I'm an OLD timer who has not posted in ages, but given all the aid and comfort I received here many years ago, I wanted to solicit some thoughts and advice on moving away from your children.

I'm 47, STBX 43 w/three kids S:15, D 14, D11.
I have been legally separated for more than 4 years--and would be divorced except that our L's so botched our agreement that it is cheaper to maintain the status quo than resolve the many outstanding differences that would be necessary to resolve in a final divorce decree.

W has been with someone for about three years while I have become a monk !

This year, I lost a good paying lawyer's job in the NY financial meltdown and the jobs in this part of the country remain scarce and highly competitive. I have used up much of my non-retirement savings, have three kids to put through college, and the best job prospects appear to be either several hours away by car or require air travel.

W was a SAHM and rather than fight custody, I accepted her having custody rights and my having extensive visitation. I typically see at least one of my kids every day and have numerous overnights with them individually. Of course, as they enter and move through their teens--it sometimes seems that my most valuable role is transportation.

In any event, my inquiry is to those--particularly fathers, who have been compelled to move away from their kids and the impact on their relationship. Apart from being taken from the day-to-day pulse of their lives--which happens anyway to the non-custodial parent even when you live one mile away), what have you experienced in your R with your kids? Is it more strained and distant? Have kids acted more? What about teenage girls? Has it made them look for male friends even more?

Obviously, my first choice is to find a decent job locally--but hopes don't pay the bills and I'm forced to ponder these other questions. I don't need any thoughts on child support modifications or alternative career choices because I've got those bases covered. The issue where I have not a clue beyond my own personal losses, is how kids are impacted by a parent moving away

Any thoughts would be really appreciated. Many thanks.

[cat03]

this is a tough one! dont' know what can I say other than to always keep in touch, constantly with every one of them, always call them, always ask how they are doing. I'm also looking for a job and it isn't looking good, my prayers that you find the right place, hopefully not too far that you can't see them every other weekend at least.