awesome, SP. brutal honesty with yourself, incredible insight, excellent analysis. I also came to the conclusion awhile back that resentment is the most toxic of the many emotional responses to a spouse; however, I still haven't figured out how to avoid or prevent it.
fwiw, I haven't heard the fat lady singing on your stage.
Last edited by hoosiermama; 10/31/0903:29 PM.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
for what it's worth SP, I don't think you "chose poorly", you achieved the kind of clarity that most if not all the people on this forum should be aiming for.
You now have the confidence to make choices that affect your life, and the wisdom to choose wisely.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and with that you'll always have the opportunity of coulda/woulda/shoulda. The difference is you're living courageously now and you have your happiness as a result.
FWIW SP, I would like to mirror what robx has said..
Quote:
Mojo: Confessions of a Failed DB'er
I don't believe you have failed at all, and I don't believe you do either. From a strict sense, your MR didn't survive in tact, but YOU did, and you excelled.
I have come to believe that DB is not necessarily just about the MR, it is about ourselves.
You DB'd yourself, and THAT is the important piece..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
SP, I am reading along for quite some time, and as much as I can (the English used on your thread was "beyond me" very often). I am going to say I am sorry. It went bad. You both chose "right" (as each of you understood right) over "together" and possibly happy. Nobody knows what kind of M you two could have had after all this, and from what you wrote it seems your chances to find out are not much if any at this point. And nobody knows what kind of relationship will be the next one you will have. You see, after the DBing, just as your wife seemed to you every time you thought of your future together, most women will not be as "aware" as you are, expecially if their journeys were totally different. You will still need to show patience, accept, validate, ignore etc. You maybe a catch for someone now, but they may not be "at your level" of relationship's understanding. But I am sure you know that. My original advice to you, still stands. Calm down. Life is not a competetive race. Loosing face and eating chit is not the worst that can happen to you, and usually delivers amazing lessons. Wishing you a happy life. xx K
Kalni, his English is beyond us sometimes too but the effort is worth it.
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There isn't a "choose poorly." Stay true to yourself.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
