So my H and S went out of town for the weekend and they left on Friday. When they were on the road, I called to check in with H and S. While we were talking, all was normal, blah blah blah. I told H, in closing the conversation, "Alright, I have some stuff I want to talk to you about when you get home. You drive safe and text me when you get there." He says "Ok."
Sunday, today, I called him after receiving a text they were on the road. I was talking and asked "Are you excited to come home to me?" We've been flirting a little bit more lately and he says "I don't know." Long pause. I'm thinking "Oh Crap." I say "Thanks for being honest. But why aren't you excited?" He says "What is it you want to talk about?" I thought about it and started laughing.... I told him "I'm sorry if I sounded serious, but I wanted to talk to you about painting the ceilings (we have some water spots, not serious but needs paint). I also wanted your opinion about a situation at work, that's not serious, but annoying and sort of funny, plus I was wondering if you really wanted to go out of town for our anniversary so I can request the day off.....that's all." He says "Then I'm excited to come home now."
I really had a boring list of things to talk to him about and not even really sure why I mentioned it.
I can understand the initial reaction somewhat. Most men are deathly afraid of the words (or variations on): "We need to talk."
When we were single, it usually meant we were going to get dumped. After we got married, it meant we were in trouble and doing something wrong.
Usually the best course, when communication with a man, is to say "we need to talk about (painting the ceilings, fixing the car, eating a hamburger, etc.)" - the "about" phrase relives the anxiety. It's when it's vague "we should talk about some stuff" that we men start to get worried.
Me: 35 W: 31 D10, S7, S2, S11 months M: 11 years Tricked into separation. In Last Resort.
My story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
I did this the other day - said "H, there's something I really think you should know about." And he said "Do I really need to know about it?" It was something completely trivial and funny (can't remember anymore), but I thought it was funny that he had that reaction as well!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I'm such an idiot! LOL! I wasn't even thinking and really, I've been doing this long enough, I should know better. But it really never even registered with me because the subject matter was soooo boring in my mind but needed attention still. I was really just telling him so he could remind me in case I forgot, which I had done multiple times already.
I asked him today "When I said I wanted to talk, did your heart drop?" He said "Not really, but I wasn't excited about it honestly. Things have been pretty normal and I've been enjoying that." I asked him "Why didn't you ask me what I wanted to talk about?" He said "I just didn't want to deal with it at that very moment." I understand.
I asked him today "When I said I wanted to talk, did your heart drop?" He said "Not really, but I wasn't excited about it honestly. Things have been pretty normal and I've been enjoying that." I asked him "Why didn't you ask me what I wanted to talk about?" He said "I just didn't want to deal with it at that very moment." I understand.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
It's not necessarily a guy thing, perhaps a (ex?) WAS thing.
Plenty of times in the past my W went huddling into an emotional cave when I initiated such "talks". She also said that since things were going so well, why rock the boat?
It's pretty much gone away now, although it is not the most pleasant of subjects sometimes. What I would call the "environmental stress" has gone away, and with that, you can discuss most things calmly and even lovingly.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
