Alone, Lost, Unloved & Deserve Better

[Livingalone101]

He also wants to bring her to our house to sleep and help him load some of the stuff he is taking this coming weekend - how do I handle this? I begged him not to because it would literally kill me to see them together - is he stupid or just cruel?

[Silent Chrleader]

He also wants to bring her to our house to sleep and help him load some of the stuff he is taking this coming weekend

WTF???

- how do I handle this?

Tell him "Not only NO, but HE** NO!!!!

I begged him not to because it would literally kill me to see them together

Don't beg because that just gives him the rush of knowing he has the power to hurt you (which is what I think he is definitely trying to do!). Try to keep (or take back) your dignity and just tell him as calmly and directly as you can that that would be totally inappropriate and that if he cares about both of you, then he won't put either of you in that awkward position........ Hold your head up be the gracious lady, and thus show him what an insensitive child he is behaving like!

Then when he comes to get his stuff, have something else to do.....anything at all, even if you just go to a book store or something (but don't tell him what it is!)......Just don't be there......be gone engaging in your new life.

If he asks where you were, just say you had other things to do. If he pushes, look him straight in the eye and smile and tell him it's really not his business anymore what you do with your time.

is he stupid or just cruel?

Probably both!!

Hang in there, honey!!

((((((HUGS))))))

[Livingalone101]

Thank you for your response Silent Chrleader

Yeah he keeps saying he isn't trying to hurt me but I am not that stupid because that is exactly what it seems he is doing.

Maybe I should get a boyfriend and he could meet my husband. lol.

I had a lot of hope that things might work out with us someday but I am quickly realizing that I need to heal myself at this point and he isn't going to be apart of that.

Thank you again.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((LA))).

Yes, it is about you. Believe me.....I know how hard that is. I am a year and a half down the road from you, and everybody tells me how great I am doing, and I'm thinking they are out of their mind because I can still break into tears at any given moment.

But, looking back I can see progress. It's slow, and patience has never been my strong suit, even with myself, but I know I am going to be happy again one day.....or maybe truly happy for the first time in my life, because I feel like I have really buried my head in the sand for many years.

Anyway, I have a good C, and that really does help. And I really do encourage you to get that book I mentioned. "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody. It opened my eyes a lot.

Take care.

((((((hugs))))))

[Livingalone101]

I will check out that book - anything that will help me learn and become a better person would be great.

I have 2 counselors I am going to, both great. Next week I am starting a Divorce care group at church. I think I finally have a job so I guess I am starting to move the right direction. I do want to be happy myself.

waiting for H to come and talk to me about assets and what to do with the house is going to send me over the edge, he keeps changing his mind about coming and now he is playing games with the thought of bringing his Bitch friend to meet us all- the thought of seeing them together will just kill me - I hope he finds his brain before attempting such a stupid stunt.

I was hoping in the beginning (1 month back) that he wouldnt file for a divorce right away and it would give him time to change his mind and now I am going to be ok if he does - yeah it will devistate me to see the papers, but I have friends and family to help me through. I am thinking now that maybe this is all best because I know I do not deserve to be treated like this and I am a great person inside and maybe someday down the road after I have healed and fixed myself, there will be someone that loves me and will not give up on me like my husband did.

I truely believe I will be ok, it's how I get to that place that scares me really bad.
Thanks for listening. Can I ask what part of washington you live? I am in vancouver

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Living.

It sounds like you are in a really good place right now emotionally and moving forward and do some really good things to support yourself. But, remember, they don't call this the "emotional rollercoaster" for nothing.

I can identify whole-heartedly with everything you said......but sometimes it's hard retraining the heart to follow what we know to be true in our head. Just try to remember to be kind to yourself, and you don't have to live your whole life at once. Just take it one day at a time.....or a minute at a time if need be.

The past is done and can't be changed. Nobody knows what the future holds. We sabotage ourselves when we keep thinking about whether our H will come home, and what if he doesn't, and what if he does, etc..... I call that "future fu**ing" and I'm an expert at it, believe me!! Life is in the moment!! So do whatever you can to make each moment the best you can.

And I live in Bremerton, across the water from Seattle. If you would like to contact me, you can find me in the alternate universe under "SChrldr".

((((((hugs))))))

[Silent Chrleader]

Livingalone....

What happened to ya'????

Hope you are OK!!