So my husband is about 1.5 years into his MLC. I am trying to lovingly distance while he goes through his craziness. My question is that his big 40th birthday (which I think was a trigger for all of this) is fast approaching in two weeks. Do I try to make it a non-event? A big celebration? Just a card? I found a beautiful card that has a nice sentiment- one of those "I am so glad you're my husband" type cards. Would that be seen as pursuing? or putting pressure on him? I find it so hard to walk the tightrope between "I love you and want the marriage to work" and giving him space while he works his craziness out. Any suggestions? Thank you.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
I agree with brandnewday...ask him. No "special" cards. If you get a card, just a very simple one. They do not like to recognize their birthdays, etc. in the way that we use to.
He may want to celebrate his day in his own way w/o you being involved...to play it safe, just ask him. If he says he wants nothing in the way of celebration, please listen to him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, he is still at home. I don't know if I could even manage more of a big 'to-do' if he wanted it. He has alienated all of our friends and his family, to the point that they are barely speaking to each other. Of course, its all everyone else's fault, not his!
I guess I will take your advice and see if he even knows what he wants to do. I suspect in typical MLC fashion he will just say "I don't know" because he seems at the point where he can't make any kind of decision.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
If he doesn't know what he wants, just fix a nice dinner and leave it at that. If you opt to give him a gift, nothing personal. Maybe a nice book or dvd would do.
It's difficult when they live at home and act like the donkey's butt.
