"you are dead on. throw in lack of respect as well. "
Well there you go. If you continue to look down at her which might have been going on even before the bomb, nothing's going to change and she feels that.
Just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"you are dead on. throw in lack of respect as well. "
Well there you go. If you continue to look down at her which might have been going on even before the bomb, nothing's going to change and she feels that.
Just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The problem is that you don't really like her and you don't know if you want to be married to her
you are dead on. throw in lack of respect as well. I know we go through mood swings but im feeling insecure right now and have lack of focus...i feel like i love my W but so angry bec she doesnt love me.
i have to have a plan to work on me
good for you for owning up to that.
Guess what? You both feel the same! How's that for a path to less judgement and more empathy???
You've gotten good advice about the late nights...you don't have to police her to have your needs met.
You need a plan to take care of you and again, I think you need to lay out your options here for how to deal with her and get input, pick a path and see how it goes.
aak, I think part of my problem is I'm so confused I don't know what I want anymore.
Figure out what you want and it's a whole lot easier to get there. This is also very apparent you don't know what you want in your marriage. Clear your head and think. This decision will set you on a path that has big implications for you down the road. Be wise.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
she wants to be with someone non judgemental, i told her unless she is planning on marrying her therapist she will have a tuff time with that. in real life husbands and wives are going to be judgemental its just the way it is when you care about someone
It doesn't HAVE to be that way. My H and I used to be horribly judgmental of each other...and I could have written what you said your W said word for word. Now, we may disagree, but we really listen to each other and give each other the space to have different opinions.
Judgment is destructive to a R. My H and I have both learned how to manage our former judgmental tendencies...with a lot of work and consciousness about it.
Regardless of whether you D or not, this is something YOU need to work on.
Would you rather be right or happy? Realize you can't control anyone else's point of view or keep trying and continue to bang your head against that particular wall?
Sorry to call you on that, but that's just bull.
On the D front, if she wants a D, let her do the filing, the paperwork, all the junk that goes with it. Don't help.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Would you rather be right or happy? Realize you can't control anyone else's point of view or keep trying and continue to bang your head against that particular wall?
Sorry to call you on that, but that's just bull.
point is well taken. i guess i have to adjust my behavior
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
point is well taken. i guess i have to adjust my behavior
It's the only thing you have any control over anyway. Of course, the end benefit as you work on your judgmental side is that you'll feel happier and lighter. Concentrate on making yourself happy with your own choices...no need to stand in judgment of others if you're happy with yourself.
And remember to breathe. This is a process.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Of course, the end benefit as you work on your judgmental side is that you'll feel happier and lighter. Concentrate on making yourself happy with your own choices...no need to stand in judgment of others if you're happy with yourself.