Yeah I know this was the last post in my old thread but it seemed the right time to start a brand new one so here it is again....The end of the crud and the start of the new bright one. This time armed and ready with all I've learned here.
So just what happened?
I had a great day at work. The text messages happened. And I decided not to respond. Boy was that hard.
The minute I got home, my cell started ringing. It was a blocked call so I hadn't a clue who it was. Normally I wouldn't have answered - lets face it I'd finished work and wanted to relax and work on my own "things".
But I answered. Turn's out to be main - the chap who bought the W the meal and had the evening with her. He told me a hole stack of surprising things.
Top of the list was that he's gently been talking to my W at every single opportunity and guiding her gently through this mess. This is after I mistakenly thought he only ever talked normal stuff with her. He told me she was deeply unhappy STILL and that she was very slowly wafting her way out of this fog we all keep talking about.
It turns out that the W's best friend has also been doing this throughout the last three months.
Guys - this was not done in a blatant "get yourself home" way. It was done with compassion and understanding. It was done through the love they hold for both of us.
So - onward through the night.
Went to my local flea pit (Mac going to the pub? Never!). Feeling on top of the world.
Saw "friends" car parked outside. What the heck - not going to let it bother me.
Went in, bought a bottle of my favorite tipple (imported from Namibia - not the local crud)
Bought four tickets for the prize draw and proceeded to have a good chat to one and all.
I could see the "friend" with the usual clique. And she kept glancing over at me. Weird.
So - drinking, smoking, chatting, enjoying. I finished the last cigarette and threw the pack away. The the head barman gave his usual shout at 6:30 - "Get your tickets out". And I realized I'd thrown them in the bin with the empty cig packet!!!!
So I shouted to one of the bar ladies who went digging through the bottles and found the thing scrunched up and there were the tickets. So I shouted that if I won, she would get half. BIG laughs from all except one. I'll let you guess who. Not impressed. The bar lady is quiet a stunner (nowhere near as stunning as mine though).
First prize - meat pack. Not won. Second prize - Bottle of Bells. WON!!!!!! And now I have to share. Not so. Bar lady said it was fine. I was going to leave it behind the bar for the W with a note "To the best W in the world from the crappiest H". HA!!!
Then saw that go-between had arrived and was chatting to "friend" so off I go to join in. "Friend" leaves. Go-between say's she and boyfriend were off the the Pizza pub. I decided to accept the invite and tag along.
Had a great time. Danced a little bit with a few of the ladies. Was in a VERY positive and happy mood. Told go-between about the days happenings. For some reason she told me that the W was at BIL's house.
I have no idea why but I sent a couple of text messages to the W. The final one saying "Want me to pick you up from BIL. Just say yes and lets get on with it;-)". Got in the car and started driving without waiting for an answer.
Just round the corner I get back "Who says to you that I am here".
My reply "Not saying - on my way!"
And back to me "It is ok. Dont worry. SIL said she will bring me round tomorrow"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And back to her - "To late. Round corner. Listen for horn. Yeeehaaa"
Pulled up and there was SIL standing in the street with the biggest smile on her face. Got out of the car and hugged so very hard. She said I was the luckiest man in the world and to take it easy.
Luck? Maybe a tiny bit. You lot know what really went on "behind the scenes".
Walked into the house. Greeted all the family and friends. And went into the arms of my W. RELIEF. INTENSE RELIEF.
We had a wonderful night chatting. W brought up the if she came back (yeah right - if!) there were conditions. I said fine because I had some of my own. More talk. Then a text from go-between. I hadn't paid my bar tab and my Pizza was still there. W said "go, eat" and "if you want to come back here and eat.."
Drove like a shot back. "Friend" was at bar. Bought round of drinks. Had a big kiss from one of the bar ladies. And had a chat with "friend". She just KNEW this was going to happen. And the result. She just KNEW.
Drove back to house. Shared Pizza. Was invited to watch hockey tomorrow (this morning). W nearly came home. But stayed. She's been sleeping on the couch in BIL's house for the past week. THEN I knew why "friend" was unhappy. The perfect partnership had cracked under the pressure.
W was going to sleep one last time on couch with BIL's S.
Tender parting. Off home. Shouting at the top of my lungs in the car. YEAH!!!!
A hole STACK of text's in the next hour in bed. Back and forward, back and forward. Just like in the very begginging.
And so here we are on the most perfect of mornings. Very bleary eyed. Was asleep very late and awake at the crack of dawn. But I don't care.
I'm off to hockey. Then sort out the W. She's been so worried about telling "friend" she's picking her stuff up!!!. She needn't be. And then this afternoon... Rugby @ 3 WITH THE FAM and W!!! And then off to my W's local to meet the regulars!!!! She's working 5 to 1 shift. And she'll have lots of new customers I promise.
HUGS ONE AND ALL!!!!
Oh, and Dia is quite right - Party at Macs house and you're all invited! Anytime.
Thanks Nell (from my other thread)! Another Ozzie! Oz now you have a local girlfriend!
Going to work on this so hard. Day by day. For the rest of my life.
And the saga continues.
I talked to our go-between earlier on. We had a GREAT chat. Seems that "friend" has no electricity and no money to buy it with.
Now the text's start to wife saying things like....
"So you even took your toothbrush - now I know ....." crud at 3:00 in the morning.
"So thats how people treat ....."
And a whole load more of string pulling, heart wrenching crud. FDunny that the tools I learned here are becoming very useful for teaching my W how to handle this hell hound.
Blah blah blah.
W and friend had a bust up two weeks ago. Seems W locked the gate and left the keys. "Friend" went AP3SH!T with her.
W's workmate knows all about "friend" and has been saying all along - "get out of there"
You have NO IDEA how many people have been on our side during this three months. And neither did I.
HOLD ON GUYS. There are things happening behind the scenes without our knowing it.
Mum just phoned W - mum is in tears. Dad phoned W - Dad is in tears. Ahhhhh aren't tears just the ticket at times.
Anyway - off to the local where my W wrks in a short while to watch our local side Western Province pummel the other guys.
And yes - W is going to roll in at out home at about 1 a.m. and said she'll try not to wake me. HA!!!!! I'd have to be asleep for that to happen.
Ahhhh - life is so very VERY good for those that see.
Work on yourselves. Very hard. See the results. May take time but they'll be there for you.
It's easy to feel so relieved and happy at this point that you both let your guard down and slip into old patterns. In order for it to work, this has to be a whole new M.
Piecing is the rest of your life. DBing still applies. Being conscious of your actions daily...and be aware that after the relief wears off, you might have some personal anger to deal with. It sneaks up on you.
Still, it's worth it. I just always want new piecers to know what they're walking into.
Congratulations!!!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I know full well what the next step in-tales. The journey I've - no scrub the I've bit and replace with WE'VE - been on has taught me so much. My guard will never be let down ever again.
The wonderful thing is that my W really SEE'S the "friend" / other woman for what she truly is. And she see's me for what I truly am. She now believes other people. She's regained her faith. And not by me throwing things in her face. But by being there for her even though we were apart. Strange but true.
And the "friend" is still there - lurking. I've just had the most wonderful coming together of my other family. My W working her butt off for minimal wages. And all having a fabulous time. The "friend" is still trying to pull my W's guilt strings. "I don't have lights - when am I going to get some money". She even popped into the bar where my W worked. Saw her, me and the family - and scampered. History.
My W is planning to go through tomorrow and pick her things up. She was going to send a text saying "sorry ..... blah blah" and after a chat with me you know what? She didn't fall for it. Silence truly is golden.
I'm looking forward to my W falling into bed at 1:00 a.m and shoving her cold bum into my groin for a warm up (sorry to be crude!!!) and you know what? I'm relishing the wait.
I'm convinced my W can handle the pick up tomorrow. I'm NOT going to be there to try and "fix things". This is her battle and I'll support her in any way that she wants. But not forcing things on her.
And here's one from the outfield - my phycologist is DESPERATE to know how this was achieved. And you know what? I pointed him to this community and said - "open your eyes and see".
Life IS good. There truly is someone that cares about you. You yourself. And a "higher power" if that's what you choose.
Guys and Gals, one and all, as Michele said in the final chapter of DR - Expect the impossible.
And finally, the lovely Karen who has been such a star in making SURE I got the books made me promise...
The first books had been taking an age to arrive. She agreed to send another shipment including tracking to me and made me promise that if the other books arrived I would donate them to someone in need.
Tonight ladies and gentlemen I did just that. My BIL's girlfriend's mum is going through such a rough patch. She opened herself up to me tonight. Heard what I said. Saw what I had achieved and decided that there wasn't an end that she expected. She is the lucky recipient of the books. She'll be registering here soon. Look after her as you would yourselves.
