Do I start new biz w/H when he thinks he wants a D

[Trixi]

I'm not rookie (time wise) at this, but I haven't made any headway in the past 2+ years. My H is continually waffling.

Most recently, we were supposed to take a 3 month break from contact to see if he would miss me so he could make up his mind. It lasted about 3 weeks until I needed to discuss him helping with a down payment on the house I rent. We quickly fell into bed. But this time, instead of just getting in the same rut, I asked him what he was bringing that was different. Ultimately, nothing. He still "can't commit" to being married and all that goes with it. I feel like we have babysteps that should happen before the big commitment; I just want a commitment to forward movement.

The sticky wicket is this:
He has come up with a business idea that he wants my help on. I have all sorts of ideas to make this idea even better. I don't think it will make either one of us rich, but in this economy, any extra $ is good to have. Plus, it would be very fun to work on.

He seems to think we should "develop our friendship" and the biz would be a great way to do it, plus we'd make money. I'm afraid that I will never be able to move on if I have to see him. We are VERY physically drawn to each other and I also fear that if we deny that attraction for a long enough time, that it will die. Which is great if we are divorced. Not great if we ever hope to reconcile.

One part of me says that I should go completely dark and make him wonder and worry. (Or is that "out of sight, out of mind"?)
The other part of me says that a biz would be a great way to keep the connection. (Our kids are grown, so without a biz, there would be no reason for us to be in consistent contact.)

Is there any wisdom out there?

[CityGirl]

I find it interesting that he has been waffling as far as the R goes for 2 years but seems solid on the idea of you starting a business with him. IOW, he needs you for something so its a grand idea (something = business).

At this juncture I would decline getting involved with any sort of business with your H. Should you divorce things can get very messy when there is a business involved. That is secondary though. As I said, the big "red flag" to me is he waffles for 2 yrs about the R but is all about the business and how good it will be for the two of you. To me, it seems he needs you for something and is using your emotions to draw you in to the business. We cant speculate but for him it seems a way to make money, have some control over you and use your expertise. From your post it seems you feel it will somehow bring your R back on track. Mixing business with pleasure under the best circumstances can be sticky...to me this sounds like a bad idea.

Just my 2 cents.

[The Wifey]

And a very well-spent 2 cents. I also think this is a huge red flag a-wavin' here.

[robx]

yup no business,
go into business for yourself, allow him to go into business for himself but if you guys can't commit to your personal relationship, alot of those issues will invariably show up in a business relationship - I don't you guys could just tune it out for the sake of the business.

any business started in a marriage, and any profits or debts from that business, are considered shared between the spouses. just because you start one by yourself doesn't mean that your husband has no claim on it in the event of a divorce...

[Trixi]

To flesh out the story a little; he is not sure if he wants a divorce or not. He loves me and "a big part of him hopes we work out". BUT, he doesn't want to do the necessary work "Right now". "For now" this is where he is at. (ie, not ready to commit.)

Also, the business would be a small side thing. I'd handle graphics and some sales. He'd put the capital in. It really is a good idea and we'd have a really good time working on it. Back in the "Good Ol' Days" we'd make Christmas gifts for our families (together) and it was always a good experience; we still talk fondly about those times and the resulting gifts.

The only thing we argue about is his lack of commitment. Other than that, (lol) we get along famously. He has a great deal of respect for my creativity and ideas. When he's working on something and stumped, he will have me look at it and give my advice.

I feel very sad to turn down this opportunity.
I would never take this idea from him. It's his. I can just make it better and more profitable.

[The Wifey]

Trixi. Its your choice, but I think it would be foolish. And, a business does not a relationship make.

[trrose]

depends...what are the financial implications? if they are large and you want to stay married, can put more pressure on the marriage.

is they arent may make you more independent and gul.

if you want to protect future biz growth see a lawyer