Hello everyone, I've been lurking here for a week or so. I guess it is time I let you all know a little bit about me and my situation.
I've been married for 17 yrs with 2 kids (Son 13, little girl 11). 2 years ago we lost our business of 10 yrs to circumstances that where beyond our control. Not being able to maintain our income level we lost everything. With no where to turn we asked for help from family. My in-laws make us an offer we couldn't refuse. "Move back to Fl and live with them till we get back on our feet". Before I go on let me take a step back a moment. 2 yrs prior to the fall of our business my wife decided she wanted to be more than a stay at home Mom and part time bookkeeper. So she went to school and got her RN degree. So my w was able to get a job quickly once we got to Fl. I on the other hand had a very hard time. So we all agreed it would be best that I return to college and get my degree. I finished all my prereq’s and was accepted into the RN program which starts next week.
No we weren't "happy" living in her parents home. However we where grateful to have the help and had our goals set. I enjoyed being home for the kids and pursuing my new career. My w worked night shift at the local hospital. With her hrs being screwed up we seen less and less of her. She only worked 3 to 4 shifts a week. With her schedule she would sleep all day and be up all night on her days off. Fast forward to 6 weeks ago. I came home from an errand to town and my w was home from work pasted out in bed. Her phone buzzing beside her. I pick up the phone and it was a text that said "The things I do for you Lover". When she woke up later I asked her about the text. She stated it was from her gay friend from work who calls everyone lover. Made since to me. A week goes by and I see she had downloaded yahoo messenger. I didn't think anything of it. Until one day she fell a sleep with the IM open and I read the text. It wasn't her friend from work. OM was coaching her on how to leave me and from what I got from the IM they had been having sex for about a month. I couldn't believe it. We had a great love life 5-6 times a week. She would send me text messages from work saying how much she loved me. Our kids would see us cuddle, kiss, and hug everyday.
I had to take my son to the doc before she woke up and didn't get to confront her about it before she went to work. So I sent a text to her to call me on her break. She did and I blew up. She freaked out and hung up the phone. The next morning I woke up to find I had been locked out of our bank account and that all our money was gone. I finally got her on the phone and she said she was moving out. She got a 1 bdrm apartment an hr away. She wouldn't talk about it and only said she is sorry she hurt me. So she has left me and the kids in her parents home with no car or money. I'm beside myself. I'm confused and lost.
She has had little to no contact with me and the kids. She did give us $300 to live on for the past 3 weeks and will not get paid till 2 weeks from now. So I’m having to support our kids on $300 for 5 weeks. She says she will support us till I finish school. She also states she loves us and knows this is wrong in everyway but she says she knows she can't stop seeing the OM. WTF!!!!??? can't or won't. I suggested MC but I've been waiting on her to tell me her work schedule so I can set an appointment. It seems she isn't interested in helping us.
I'm getting better with dealing with all this as each day passes. However, it does consume me. She will not return calls. She will not call the kids. I'm not sure where to turn for help. Do I wait to she if she is true to her word on transferring money into our account when she gets paid? If she doesn't keep her word, how in the world do I afford an att. with no money and being a full time student get a job to support the kids and I. ARRRRUGGGGHHH I just don't understand. I realize my future ability to support my kids will depend on me finishing this RN program.
Her parents are beside themselves and will help however they can. They are on a fixed income and we had been paying some rent and bought the food. So their help will be limited. We do have a roof over our head, which is a good thing. She was a wonderful mother and loving person. I just can't understand who this person is. She said she was unhappy and I should have seen it. I didn't and neither did anyone else living in our home.
So here I am. Lost not sure which way to go with this. I want her back to work on this. However ,with her running away like she is doing how is that possible. Will I ruin any chances with her if I could afford an att. to get support???? UUUUGGGGHHHH!! I know I need to focus on my kids and school. Which I have been doing this week and it helps. But again I’m lost. I know from reading the forum that I have been chasing her with text and phone calls. I believe I need to go dark. How does one go dark when there are kids in the mix. They are as confused as I am and I don’t have the answers they are asking. Please someone help me with some guidance
Sorry if I have jumped around and this post doesn't make much since. I can't think str8.
S in Fl
Me 44 WAW 37 S 14 D 12
M 18 yrs T 20 yrs WAS 7-27-09 WAS #2 6-10-11
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
The kids are hurt and don't understand. Yes, I have a large support group from friends and family which none live close. Some have sent money to make sure I could pay for the kids school supplies, my tution, and some food. However, the reason I'm here is because they all say the same thing F her and take her to the cleaners. I love her we have been bestfriends for 17 yrs. I can't just throw that away without trying. If in the end it doesn't work ... well then I know we at least tried. However by her running away like this I'm at a loss.
Shane5665
Last edited by Shane5665; 08/20/0901:15 AM.
Me 44 WAW 37 S 14 D 12
M 18 yrs T 20 yrs WAS 7-27-09 WAS #2 6-10-11
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
Sorry to find yourself here. Like yourself, my W is a nurse who had an A with her boss doctor. Or should I say "ass doctor". Anyhow, she woke up one morning and just told me she wanted everything divided up so she could pursue him. That was one year ago.
Right now your first priority is to the kids. Leaving without a source of income may be considered child endangerment. Contact a legal aid society for free legal advice.
Right now it sounds like your W is deep in MLC with her new career being a trigger. Who is the OM? Does she work with him?
I have a feeling she got "bored" with the domestic life and ran off to fulfill a "fantasy" life. The more you find out about the two of them the better.
Were there any issues that she brought up in the past concerning your R? I know it's really tough for you now, so hang in there as best you can. Be the father that your kids can look up to. Their mom just left for another man, so they've got to be devastated and confused.
Don't expect to talk to your W rationally. She's going to start getting angry and vindictive if you say anything about what she's doing. The best thing would be to just ignore her. Find a way to cover your expenses.
Praying for you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The OM was her patients son. That is all I know. He was there a lot with his dad in the hospital. As far as how, when, where, and what began the R. I know nothing. I did notice some changes but nothing to offer to me she was unhappy and what she was about to do.
Thanks for your prays.... I'm really scared for my kids .. mom here one day and gone the next with little to no contact since. How do you explain that??
Last edited by Shane5665; 08/20/0901:25 AM.
Me 44 WAW 37 S 14 D 12
M 18 yrs T 20 yrs WAS 7-27-09 WAS #2 6-10-11
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
I'm here to add my support. Not sure what I can offer. Taking in your sitch. I only relate to the fantasy of leaving everything including the kids behind, not actually doing it.
I agree with leaving her alone. Do you have any assets or something you could even sell (ebay or other) to get some cash? Right now, you need to go into survival mode for you and your kids. Your sanity and their well-being comes first. They need to know that both you and mommy love them. AAAAARGH! I'm feeling for you. We have all been through our own hell here and it does get better, it does.
Faith, yes, praying to your higher power. If you don't have one, get one or borrow one...
Come on here for support, we'll try to be here and lift your spirits.
I am going to think on this and hopefully some pros will chime in here.
Stay strong, as Coach says, "You can handle it"...but I'm no substitute for Coach...Coach...Coach...
Thanks for all your comments. It those such as you I have been searching for to seek guidance from. So far my emptiness is lifting a bit tonight. I know I will survive. I know I will make it through this one way or another. I just want to help her so much. However, I'm starting to realize you cannot help someone if they aren't willing to help themselves first.
As to assets we have no assets left. When we lost our business we sold everything we could to stay a float.
Keep the support coming, I'm not sure if you would or could know how much it is helping me already. Word cannot express my thanks.
Me 44 WAW 37 S 14 D 12
M 18 yrs T 20 yrs WAS 7-27-09 WAS #2 6-10-11
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
I am really sorry about your sitch! I am here for support although not sure what I can offer either except someone to pray for you and your family and come here to try to lift you up. My W is in the middle of an affair right now too, although hasn't left so I can only imagine the additional pain your feeling right now. Hang in there and some of the experts will be by to help you through this.
You are already getting good advice so far, get some counseling for you and the especially the kids. There are free services around just for that if you look hard enough. Same deal with the legal help.
Also, church is a good place to start and they can usually help you find these services as well.
I am definitely praying for you and will keep up here!!!
