Wife wants best of both worlds

[MHL]

DW,
I got busy at work today but have been thinking about what is going on and need to get my thoughts together more. I will post more later on tonight.

I can say that it is completely normal for you to be feeling the emotions you are going through. No Doubt. I am truly sorry for you and your kids.

Let me leave you with the positive here, you have maintained the moral high ground here. Know that one day your kids will look back on their parents divorce and see that you tried, that you did everything you could and ultimately were a faithful husband and responsible parent. The respect of your children when they are adults will last longer than the sting of your XW's actions today.

More later.

[ClingingToHope]

My current relationship with the ex is probably worse than good. I do not like talking to her or being around her. She views this as me being mean...our persepctives are so different. I am still broken over the break-up of a family, while she is starting a new one. I am doing everything I can to be civil but it is still so dam hard being around her or even communicating with her via email.

I know what you mean. I've done my best to reduce STBXW to an occasional text. Several months ago she was still calling, mostly about the kids, but she'd slip in conversation on her family and job. That has completely stopped and for the most part I like it -- but just typing that and realizing that remains difficult. I'm reading a forgiveness book to help me down the path of not hating her. I won't be able to avoid her totally because of the girls and shunning her may make me feel better in the moment, but it won't help the girls.

The OM is tough, really tough. My mother went through a string of men after her divorce and I don't know what/how he handled it. They are both dead so I can only speculate.

Two weekends ago I needed a swimsuit from "the house" as I call it and did not call to say I was coming because I thought STBXW would be at work.

She wasn't. Instead, she was working on the house with an OM. I don't know what her relationship is with this guy -- but the girls saw him and she had to come up with a ridiculous story to deflect them.

That's going to be a tough shoe when it drops.

[Cie la vie]

DW,

I feel for you. You've been taking some serious shots and I have to say handling it well. Being out of sorts now again with these kinds of revelations being dumped on you is perfectly reasonable.

still have not met the OM and really do not see a reason to do so but really not sure on this. I do not hate him, but I do hate what he has done and what he represents.

I feel the same way you do about the OM introduction. My original position on this was she must introduce the scumbag to me before the kids but I have no control over it. I'd be shocked if he hasn't meet my kids by now. I don't want anything to do with the guy. If my kids report back to me something negative than he will meet me.

My current relationship with the ex is probably worse than good. I do not like talking to her or being around her. She views this as me being mean...our persepctives are so different. I am still broken over the break-up of a family, while she is starting a new one. I am doing everything I can to be civil but it is still so dam hard being around her or even communicating with her via email.

I could simply cut and paste this to my thread unaltered. This is exactly how I feel.

Keep toughing it out. In time our lives will be good again.

[dwinter82]

Ok, ex pulled another good one on me...had to tell.

My D6 is having a b-day in a couple of weeks so I have been planning a b-day/slumber party for her. For that weekend I invited my parents to come up (to help out), plus my S8 is having a soccer tournamment that weeeknd. So a fun weekend. I get an email from the ex two days ago asking me if we can swap days with the kids; as luck would have it, she wants the day of the b-day party I have been planning. I tell her I want to remain as flexible as possible but the day she is requesting will not work because I have some solid plans with the kids.

Well after going around and around for awhile I finally get it out of her...she is getting married on that day. So I said ok, I guess I will need to re-schedule my plans. I played it cool. However, this kind of stuff is really starting to get to me and to be honest, pissing me off. There have been some other little things as well that by themselves do not mean much but, when you add everything together, they mean much more.

She also broke out some additonal salt yesterday by sending me an email with her new last name...looks like it is going to be one of those hyphen jobs: current last name, hyphen, new last name. Just about soiled myself. I saw her last night for the kid exchange and respectfully asked her not to keep my last name...will see what happens.

Heading to the lake this weekend for some R&R, I need it.

Later.

[Cie la vie]

DW,

Well after going around and around for awhile I finally get it out of her...she is getting married on that day. So I said ok, I guess I will need to re-schedule my plans. I played it cool.

I might have been inclined to say tough beans they are with me. I guess that wouldn't be in the taking the high road handbook however. You are definately being the bigger man by rescheduling with her. I wonder if she would return the favor on something important to you?

Now why would she hyphenate her last name? What is the point of that? If you are going "move on" than do it for crying out loud. Maybe she thinks it is important for kids sake.

Have a great weekend at the lake. I need one but if you get a chance check thread for my latest. Have a good one.