ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
I know you are working hard to move forward in your life.
How does this make you feel?
How have things been for you?
Please take care,
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
I am really impartial to her, in fact it does not surprise me. More than anything I look at the children, and have to ask myself "how can she do this". I can see the emotional changes it puts in them. I really think this is way too soon to do to them. It is way too much for S to handle and he becomes an emotional wreck. It is just sad to see them not know what to do. It also just confirms what I have known to be lies from XW from the beginning. I am in a great place for myself in life, I have met and have been seeing a great girl, she is awesome with the kids, and I couldn't convince her to be a bad influence on things toward my children if I tried. Things that I know the XW and OM do.
I am happy for you and the kids that you have found a wonderful person to share your lives with. I know you will take it slow for all concerned.
This is a bit different in story.....My MIL died of cancer in Oct of '04 after having been married to my FIL for 45 years. Within 6 weeks of her death he was dating a woman who seemed nice enough....the problem, it was too soon. Even for us kids all 8 of us at the time (who were adults in our 40's) we went into a tailspin. We could not understand how our MIL could be replaced so fast. We, as adults understood that our FIL had mourned the passing of his wife since he heard it was terminal. However, there is a time and place for everything and for this.......IT WAS TOO SOON. We were'nt ready to have OW in our lives and she was the sort who demanded we accept her. She was very confident and self-assured she was there to stay. The relationship didn't last one year. It didn't last because she was demanding and controlling. What it did was cause a bit of a rift between FIL and us kids (even his 4 sons) because we could not accept her. I can see exactly how your S feels. They are young, but not too young to feel betrayal.
Sorry if this is too "off topic" for you, it had some resemblance for me in your experience.
The kids are the first to feel emotions about a situation especially when the are being forced to "live with it". Your wife needs to put her selfish desires aside and step back and realize the anguish this sudden engagement is causing them. It may not be sudden to her....it is sudden for them. They are simply not ready for her to attempt to replace Dad.
IMO, if she continues to treat them without regard, she will eventually lose them too. They will not be able to give this new man any respect or be able to fully accept him in their lives long term.
My son will not give the OW a second of time, respect or any other delusional desire she has about her relationship with my son. It was dead from the git go. It will always be. It is because of the emotions it stirred up in son over the loss of his family. He will never look at her without seeing a monster. My son was 9 by the way when this all started. He was old enough that this will forever be an impact on his life. That saddens me huge.
Take care Shock, I am sending good wishes to you all....You are a strong Dad, you will see your children through this. I know this because I am a strong parent and I have been able to heal my son. Be there for them regardless and whenever, they will be yours for always. They will learn immediately who they can trust and turn to, it's you.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Well, haven't added to my own post in a while. I was told today by D that "you guys have ruined my life." How did I ruin your life? Just a bit down on that statement. XW does not help this sitch AT ALL.
So sorry you are going thru this too! This is not easy and sometimes I wonder what I did so wrong to 'deserve' this in my life. It must be a lesson i'm suppose to learn or something. I understand about the kids being upset.
Mine are beside themselves, gotta get them into IC Monday morning ASAP per my atty and my own personal intuitions! Even though H and I aren't D'd until July 20th, 2010, he has made it quite clear that he is getting engaged and has even gone as far as to expose our kids to the OW for the last month then tells me its' none of my concern when it does concern our kids, the kids are fine(S15 is failing classes, normally a A-B student&S11 is acting out in school,very teary-eyed) and don't need counseling! They say they don't want to go to his house, they want to stay w/me. They want to talk to someone about what goes on between them and OW but frankly, I can't anymore,,its' tearing me apart!!
The 15yro holds everything inside til it blows up and starts disrespecting me while the 11yro cries and needs lots of holding and encouragement.
Don't know if your daughter is like my 15yro son but I do know that when they get to a certain age all of a sudden they have blossomed and turn into these compassionate human beings, like my 23 & 22yrolds. H blew it with the older 2 boys, they hate him now. The 23yro just graduated from CSU on Sat.,,H didn't even want to come see him. Meanwhile, the 22yro just got M'd last yr and made us grandparents, a 2yro boy from a previous R for her and a new granddaughter born in March,,he doesn't even recognize that hes' a grandpa!
Wondering if you live in Colorado like me? Keep your chin up!
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
Kids are doing pretty well with most things. D just gets quite emotional at times. Understandable. Kids are doing great in school still, still both A students. Hope that never changes. I know D is also hitting puberty/getting hormonal at times. No, not in Colorado. Thanks for checking in Kim, I have moved over to Surviving forum at this point, because I am done. Really wanting to keep myself off of these boards because they really are pissing me off. I can't believe how many people can be as selfish as they and it is emotionally draining me at times seeing how many other people are entering here daily. Sad, sad world anymore.
