So the paper work was filed today and W wasted no time moving on. Already setting up seperate checking, all that basic stuff. I am glad to be at the point where the fighting to save a losing battle is done, but I am deeply saddenned at where we had to end up. I know I have handled things wrong at times while trying to save the M. But I finally hot a point where I had to take control of me and be an a$$ in order to stop being the doormat. Her family loves me and she is having issues with them talking to me, but why should i give up who has become my family because she wants to walk away?
I'm so sorry things turned out this way, but I hope that you will have peace. It is really bad when there is a D and the couple continues to fight. It's good that you are friends with her family. I would think that makes her more angry with you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It absolutely does. She even went as far as asking me to not have contact with any of them and I really good friends with a few of them and friends with all of them. I told her no so she said she will just cut them off. Whatever, that is a bridge she is willing to burn than so be it.
So I could not take certain things anymore. I dropped my W as a friend on FB, didn't want to see anymore pics of her or OM tagged, or whatever else would come up. So, that made me out to be the biggest A-hole to ever live. Whatever, I need to have my space and there are certain things in life that I may be able to accept, but that does not mean that I need to see them or have them placed in front of my face. On top of that, I had her telling me that she had problems with people that I was having contact with, you know what, it is my life now. You chose this path, and now you want to change it's direction, hope you have a big ass chain saw to cut down some of the trees that lie in the path you want it to go, because currently, it has a turn in it that you had failed to see. The turn has alway been there, not my fault that you never saw it W!.......Sorry people, just venting. I know that you have all felt this, or you would not be here reading it. Feel free to add your input. I love to read it, whatever it is!
I have to edit. I am still not against saving my marriage. I know the papers have been filed, but I love her very much, and miss her. I have two kids, who I would give my (fill in the blank) to allow them to have their uninterrupted life back to where it used to be pre-bomb. I am falling further away each day, but have not lost all hope!
I think you should drop your W from FB & anything else like that. The two of you should not be seeing what each other have on the web....especially when emotions are raw. You will do better by not seeing her and OM to remind you of the hurt. I know there isn't anything I can say that would really help, but I do believe you will be okay when you get past all of this. I think you are the kind of man who can take the blows life throws at him and survive!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
FB was the only thing we had and I dropped her. She was mad and hurt but honestly did she expect me not to do that. And yes Sandi, I am doing pretty good at taking blows and moving on.
oooh this all sounds so familiar. And I'll tell ye, it doesn't get any better. Here I am, a full year and then some of XW being with OM and now engaged, 3 months post D, and yet out of nowhere last night XW has a temper tantrum over who I associate with. It's sad and funny all at the same time.
I too tried to stand strong for the M, but you can only endure so much. I set a timeline to stop the fight and that helped. Did I make it through unscaved? Not by any means, but if I didn't, who knows how bad things could have been.
But just know, even when it's all said and done, there will be tense moments still, but at least in my case, I was calm and collected and able to remind myself, there' no sense in beating this dead horse, and thus came out rather ok.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Shocked - just wondering who befriended whom on FB in the first place? I have a similar sitch in that my ex-W invited me to be her friend. I about fell out of my chair as we do not otherwise communicate other than the rare email concerning our daughter's wedding plans (a year from now). Anyway, she recently de-friended me, which caused me to laugh a little, but also invoked sadness as well. I think she may have de-friended me because the sister-in-law of her OM (whith whom she lives, but denies to me) was posting pics on her site, which I am sure she would rather I not see (she would be correct).
Like you and others, I continue to GAL, but there still remains the thought that she will one day see the light. I realize that she is in MLC, but I still occasionally find myself in total disbelief and missing what I once had.
Anyway, I wish you and everyone here the best!
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
We had been friends since we both set up fb accounts. After some of her new friends started putting up pics of her with om that was when I dropped her off my friends list. She has really made me numb to alot of feelings and somehow cannot see the reality of alot of things. What else is there to do but GAL of my own and take care of the kids. I know some day this little perfect world will implode, I just don't where I will be when it happens.
So now I am noticing more and more of what used to our mutual friends seeming to reach out to me. It really is a good feeling because I know that most of these people are refusing to reach out to her because of her choices.
On a different note, this has been the quietest day the two of us have ever had between us. I don't think there has ever been a aday that we have not had a call or text between us by now. I know it is how it is supposed to be, but it is a weird feeling.
