New to Posting but have been here about a month. My sitch back in march got the bomb ILYBNILWY and she wanted to move out to find her self. Our relationship has been in a rut for about 6 yrs. No intimacy hardly any affection friendly love kissing hugging only routine. So of course helped her move out march 13 friday I know Im not superstitious. All she asked for was space and time, I did the old pleading crying look at poor me, never begged, I still felt like she tore by balls off. Kept doing the cheese less tunnels how was I to know back then. As we got farther into the separation the alien came down. Ive heard very script there is from a WAW. I think shes hit every one of the scripts. W was really nasty and viscous for awhile so being DBing ignorant went right back at her with my nastiness and viciousness, then thank God I found this place. I know shes not in EA, shes gotten over weight and has low self-esteem. The worst part W IC pushed to divorce me and she says now she wants divorce but hasnt done anything about it. Last month when I tried to get friendly she would throw the D in my face to back me off. Then I would get the old I cant be nice to you because then you would think there is hope. She was on e harmony and chemistry for a while, shes resigned all singles crap for now any way. We sold the condo both have nice apartments about 5 miles apart. Since coming here and getting coaching Ive gotten rid of the negativity, friendship stage next ; ) Havent seen her in more then 40 days, maybe 5 min on phone better last few days, shes in Va and Fl on vaca. My first goal was no negativity A-ok. Going almost dark has helped, shes called a few more times now wow I know no expectations. I refused to call for the last 3 weeks. I do Love my wife and want a new relationship, personal goals are falling into place. GALing, Beat the crap out of my self working out, feel better then when I was 35. Ive detached pretty good, Mostly dont care what shes thinking doing going, Like everybody says nothing I can do about it. Im going to be talking with coach Jody guess what my wifes name is? I got a laugh on the first call, I have to say coach Jody is awesome, she got me back on track. What I need is my fellow long distance DBers to tell me how they reconnected back to a friendship stage, I know time patience let her make the moves, but I think one of my other 180s is to give her some attention without looking like Im give her attention, cognitive dissonance. I know its in the timing, slowly but surely but dont call me shurley. I see other DBers in the same sitch and same quandary. How to reconnect more then by phone or email? Ive come up with a few excuses like my vac is broke, maybe Ill use that one first. I still havent hung any curtains. I love psychology but cant rap my head around this one. Not yet anyway. Any veterans help this pilgrim tinhorn long distance DGing I know 5 mile aint much, hopefully on to stage 2?
Me 51 W 46 T 28 M 25 WAW ILYBINILWY Sep 3/13/09 FRI 13th Its OK God is all around me.
highhopes- I think the key from my perspective is to bring the humor back in to the relationship. If you can joke with her about anything random and then just back up and wait. That's the first step. I have a different sitch all together but i have been on here long enough to hear about others and this seems to be the common thread. Good luck!
