HI All, First time poster and I thought I'd share my situation. About 2 months ago my wife started going out a lot - at least once per week till 2 - 4 am and at least another night till 10 - 12. When she is at home she has been texting on her phone or on the computer. All of this too me was completely out of the blue. I don’t believe she is having an affair or is on drugs or alcohol but I could be wrong. I started arguing with her and did a lot of dumb things, firstly it was gentle encouragement to talk to which she refused, then it went to me trying to stop her using the computer and ringing her up when she was going out and telling her to come home, then I tried to be physical with her - nothing major - she certainly has not been hurt – she just refused to talk to me. She eventually told me she needs space and we should separate and split custody of the kids. I had to go sleep in the lounge. The kids are aged 8 & 6 (I’m 36 she is 33 – I have stable married parents she doesn’t) and when she goes out I take care of them and when she is at home she certainly isn’t focused on their care at all. It appears to me she is rejecting her family and going out with younger friends especially one girl at work. This has been a horrific time for me during which I haven’t been sleeping or eating well and have been unfocussed at work. I used to do judo a couple of times per week but haven’t been able to go. Basically I have been completely stressed. Last night I had a real good sleep in my bed (she was out till 2:00) after accepting the situation somewhat. Any advice on how I feel would be appreciated but at the start I was at a lost to understand what was going on, then I was blaming myself now I feel the following: 1. This is my house and if she doesn’t like it she should leave. 2. She has to go to counselling with me to try and resolve this. I think she will but to get this to happen I have stated it is all about my issues. 3. It is my bed and I’ll be sleeping in it. 4. She can do whatever she wants – I don’t care atm. 5. I have lost a lot of respect for her – basically if we didn’t have the kids I’d let her go. 6. From now on I’ll be handling the situation better and focussing on myself and not letting her get a reaction out of me.
Hey Steve, I have to first say this to you, no physical force of any kind, ever.
Now, the most important thing, besides taking care of your children, is to take care of yourself. Eat well, rest, exercise, meditate and pray (if you are so inclined)
Read the book and the resources.
Do not put any pressure on your wife, no begging, no yelling, no threats.
Begin the long process of trying to detach from her actions.
Do not have relationship talks with her. Act as if you are moving forward in your life, then actually start to do it.
Moving forward does not mean throw her out or file for divorce unless that is what you want.
Come here and post when you are angry or confused. The weekends tend to be quiet. Keep posting, someone will reply. Also, read others' threads and post to them so people get to know you.
Just to add to the others watch the finances If she is in MLC, they lose all concept of money and spend everything possible Watch the credit cards MY xh racked up over 50,000 in debt in 2 years just keep an eye on all of it peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Do MLC run thier course? My wife is in one now. Going out with single girlfriends. Don't think there is another guy, but I know the idea interests her. Says she is not in love with me.
I am actually very upbeat normally. I feel more alive than I have in years. I am working on me. Taking a trip to Vegas next month. Might be a bit extreme, but I wanted to go. I have so much to offer. Hopefully the WAW gets it. She is still here, just needing to find herself. I am giving her space. I am real about the fact that it may be over. That is somewhat freeing.
I think she is trying to find herself - the thing is why do they go backwards. She is talking & acting like a child. I wouldn't really mind is she was trying to grow up but she seems to be regressing in her age.
A married woman with 2 kids going out to nightclubs every week with the husband at home ???
I went to a counsellor the other day and she stated that you enter a relationship / marriage with the same level of emotional maturity but people progress at different rates. Her first question was was she having an affair, on drugs or alcohol. I answered that I thought not and i really don't think she is interested in any of those things.
As for counselling we are going - I think she realises that things are terrible and we need help.
