She never filed. She never came home. She just continues to live a separate life. It's really quite sad to see.
In the mean time, I have gotten a life. I hang out with friends more than ever. S8 and I have been camping, gone to see Monster Trucks, taken on new projects, and I have gotten a motorcycle license.
W doesn't do much. In a way, that's good. At least she isn't hitting the bars or spending 24/7 with her GF anymore. She still doesn't have any interest to work on things though. (I asked her about it a couple of weeks ago after going nearly 2 1/2 months barely speaking)
Every once in a while, she will be warm to me for a couple of days, then she runs away again.
I just go on with my life. I don't have any idea what to expect anymore. She doesn't have the same hold over me that she used to though.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I don't get here too much anymore. It's a good place to keep a record of things for my own sanity though.
W has been gone almost a year. No D yet. Still doesn't seem to be another man. W still acts like a teenager. She has been coming around more recently though.
About a month ago, W broke down and cried on my shoulder when I dropped S8 off with her after a weekend of him and I camping with family. She said that she was tired of living like this. I told her that if she wanted to fix things, please let me know and I'm willing to do my part.
I received some "good night" text messages after that and significant increased communication after hearing nothing for months. It has been dying off in the past week or so. She just seems so damn content living likt this now. Today, I may have made a bit of a fool out of myself.
W brought S8 home today for the weekend. Once again, she was giddy bouncy, like a teenager. It seems so fake. I asked her about it. Afterall, I thought that she was getting "tired of living like this."
She seemed to take it serious. More of an 'I feel sorry for you' vibe than anything. She basically said that she left for a reason and she's only sad about it occasionally.
I talked a little about the back and forth stuff lately and how I had hoped that she would eventually miss out life together. No response. I said that I thought eventually she would miss me, hate being alone, and be ready to work on things. No response from her. I said that I appreciated the increased communication and the 'good night' messages from a few weeks ago. She said in a neighborly voice that I was welcome.
She got solemn and started looking down and saying very little. I said that I understand that she doesn't feel head over heels for me and that I understood that. I said that I don't think that things work like that. I told her that my understanding was that if someone gets sick of living like this, they decide to put in the effort to find that lovey-dovey stuff. It doesn't just come to you one day. She kind of agreed in a grunting sort of way.
I told her that I just can't understand why someone would rather have things like this than be at home with their family. She just that she couldn't explain it without coming off as horrible. I said that I assumed that things haven't really changed for her recently. She said "not that much."
We did hug before she left, but she if just SO different. Tiny tank top, blonder than ever, giggle-giggle. She still seems like a rebelious teen who is escaping the evil clutches of the bad bad man.
At least she seemed to take it seriously when I was talking about it. I would guess that her next step is to tell me that she id going to go file...again. This seems to be the pattern.
Nearly two years after the bomb. Nearly a year after she left. I know that things have changed, but it doesn't feel like by much.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Good questions Pinhead. (Sorry that you find yourself here by the way)
I don't think that I was too bad of a spouse before the bomb. I have made significant changes for the better anyway though. My changes have stuck so far. I listen, validate and am considerate of W's feelings more than ever. Possibly to a fault.
I have allowed her to do anything that she has wanted and let many things just slide. I haven't set much for boundaries.
W puts on a happy face all of the time with me. She tells me that I am "such a good guy" then goes on with her separate life.
I am actually glad that I said something today. I think that she would freaking go on like this forever. It doesn't seem to be an issue for her at all. She has been standing with one foot in and one foot out for way too long. We can't keep pretending that everything is fine. I am OK being friendly if the goal is to fix our marriage, but not to play buddies just to yank my chain.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
