I have been communicating a little better lately. talking about my anger, my wife asked to speak to me the other night because she was feeling insecure (about herself her feelings on the marriage etc) as usual I listened, we spoke, and she was happy with the advice I gave.
One thing I have noticed is that I don’t respect my wife nearly as much as I used to. she has acted unstable and unpredictable for so long...she has been hurtful and contemptuous towards me..always wanting things on her terms...anyway I digress
she asked me to dinner last night and we had a nice time (at least I did) THEN.
Prior to bed, I asked her what her plans were for this evening (she initially said she wanted to go out with friends and come home late, we leave for family vaca tomorrow) she responded that she was planning on going out and that she would be home...looking at me as if I had horns.
I responded (slightly pissy) that we would have to speak about scheduling going out late nights...we have two young children and this will be the third night this week I am watching ( 1 night she worked late...other she "walked" around the mall...and tonight) to which she responded that I was condescending and she was tired of it....needless to say the wheels came off the wagon...
we both said things and hit below the belt. she said that she wants intimacy and passion etc...but with another man....I asked her if there was anyone else and she said that she wished there was so it would be easier for her...
we are supposed to leave for SC tomorrow for 2 weeks. she said when we came back we would go to a mediator...I told her I had a lawyer and she should get one etc...
anyway, as much as I would have liked to save my marriage. I feel like I dont have the patience and perseverance required...I find myself so disgusted with my wife (even though she is the WAW) that I cant imagine having a normal relationship. while this has been going on since april i feel like four months of torture is too much for me to take
I would appreciate some feedback and coping strategies.
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
the other issue i find is that some close friends and family feel my wife is nuts and she is taking advantage of me...i almost feel if i dont end it...i will look foolish...anyone relate?
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
anyway, as much as I would have liked to save my marriage. I feel like I dont have the patience and perseverance required...I find myself so disgusted with my wife (even though she is the WAW) that I cant imagine having a normal relationship. while this has been going on since april i feel like four months of torture is too much for me to take
I would appreciate some feedback and coping strategies.
For what? What are your goals?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
1. To rebuild a friendship with my wife and be able to respect each other again. since we have children together we will always be a part of each others lives 2. To work together to minimize the pain that my children will go through. If we act as great co parents it will make it easier for our kids…and easier for us 3. To find ways to reduce the depression and anxiety that accompanies this process
TR Rose T-10 M-6 H-39- W-36- S-4 D-1 Bomb 4/09 Blow up 8/09 1st thread 2nd thread 3rd thread
1. To rebuild a friendship with my wife and be able to respect each other again. since we have children together we will always be a part of each others lives
I would recommend joint marriage counseling. Also time. To make this happen you will need to be able to truly detach, not only from the love but from the anger.
Originally Posted By: trrose
2. To work together to minimize the pain that my children will go through. If we act as great co parents it will make it easier for our kids…and easier for us
This will come out of commitment from both your wife and yourself fto put the kids first. It is easier said than done, but I would recommend approaching your wife in a quiet time in a non-confrontational manner and talk about your goal of being an effective co-parenting team. Again, detachment will help this.
Originally Posted By: trrose
3. To find ways to reduce the depression and anxiety that accompanies this process
I'd recommend anti-depressants (they did amazing things for me) and individual therapy. Also, of course, the more traditional (here) GAL activities will make sense.
