waw.. my friends are mine not yours...

[Mr GK]

WAW says that I need to not be friends with people I meet through her, after she WA'd That the ones I hung out with when I was with her and kids are generally off limits, even if they pursue me friendship. She says to be friendly, but dont encourage the friendship.

Can someone tell me more about this separate life / separate friend issue?

She wants space, and I have been giving it to her. And we have been doing well. But then I go and be friendly to my kids' friends! Bad idea! What was I thinking? Then they FB friend me. So I will respect her and not pursue any conversations with them.
I am just trying to understand.

thanks

[Dia]

Hmmm, I don't think she gets to decide who your friends are. She's your WAW, not your mother.

If they want to be friends with you, go for it. We need friends more than ever in sitches like ours.

[Mr GK]

Yes, true, but for now they live inanother state near my W.
Thet are my kids friends. and she has been hurt by losing friends to others (not me) in the past. And we still keep previous friends we both have had prior to WA. They want to be friends to both, and maybe they can help bring us together again.
Some know both our lives fairly well.

Anyway, I am not going to push to be good friends with the new ones. I just dont understand the separate lives / friends thing. What is in the head?

[Steve McQueen]

maybe there is something she doesnt want you to find out about...

[Virtually_Handsome]

Or there is something she doesn't want them to find out about.

She is trying to control information. Spin doctoring. She only wants them to know what she tells them.

[PortlandDad]

sth: my W did exactly the same thing when we separated. She was adamant that I not be friends or have contact with any of "her" friends. I guess she was in divorce mode and felt that we could divide the friends between us like we would divide property. I'm sure there is a scene from a romantic comedy lurking in there somewhere, except that it isn't so funny when it is playing out for real in your life.

[Mr GK]

well, maybe, but on her side, she has lost friends to her sister, and to her sicko perverted dad (at the time). She does not know many people in that town. mainly her sis and her guy friend who I have met quite a bit. And he might be a problem, but he acts more like a younger brother who like s to b helpful, and who does not know many people in that town either.

Anyway, she probably does not want any of her new friends there to take my side. She probably gets that from her friend who is visiting her there, yet this friend is agood friend to the both of us.So my W's friend probably is on my side, but compassionate on hers. I think that her friend opposes divorce, and sees how healthy I am becoming, and maybe my W's friend will be a benefit for me.

either way, it is wierd, and i think not pushing the issue is fine. And looking for where i can 180 and go a little distant or whatever it is called on here...dark(?)
And yes Pdad a romantic comedy is fitting. just not fun in real life as you say.

Sorry you filed, pdad,
hope that does not come down to my W and I.
what is the latest with you and W?
Are stats are very similar! I live in Gtown.

[Steve McQueen]

So my W's friend probably is on my side, but compassionate on hers. I think that her friend opposes divorce, and sees how healthy I am becoming, and maybe my W's friend will be a benefit for me.

is he gay?

[Mr GK]

oh, to clarify. One friend who is visiting is a girlfriend of hers for over 10 years. She is a mutual friend of ours, and her husband and i are friends. She would most likely oppose divorce on biblical grounds, as well as emotional consequences with the family, and that fact that I am healthier as a dad and husband.

Another friend is a man, who does not seem to be gay. I have watched them interact, and it seems that he is just a friend who helps out around there sometimes. He helps my wife and her sister too. When we were camping, just my family, we ( my wife) asked him to bring some food to the campground as we did not have breakfast food, so he did, and he brought me a hot chocolate and a mug that he bought from a mini market, when he was getting coffe for my wife and himself.

Sometimes people can just be helpful.
I hope this is the case. He's about 8 years younger than my W. And other than being helpful, I dont see a whole lot in common.
And I was there for an extended weekend, and saw him everyday.
They really did not act close, maybe like siblings. But I dont know.

anyway, she lets me meet her friends, when i am there, but she really does not have many friends there. So the ones she has, she might want to keep to herself.