Hmmm.. so what you are saying is that what you are doing.. is not working?
Why?
Chuckle, no not working in the sense that he is not moving towards me... but alas, I don't really know what is going through his head. I think it is more of a timing issue. I want results NOW and now is not what he is able to do. But I don't think trying to take care of myself and look nice when I see him is a bad thing. I think that giving a flying *$^%* how he reacts is the problem.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
Simple fact remains.. at one point he chose you.
Why?
Thank you for reminding me of that. I promise to work on the why's?
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
Again.. the things we wish for.. are usually not the things that will benefit us the most.
Why can't they be? Happiness for me, for him, for our children. Family?
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
I can detach my boat from the dock. There can be "currents" that make it move away. I hope it never "moves on" without me.
A boat will never "MOVE ON" without you.. unless your planning sucks!
"Someone" has to turn the key.. start the motor.. put it in gear.. and wave to the people on the dock.
Do you see the difference?
Yes, I see that. However, the longer that the boat is detached, the farther away it gets and may not even move in the right direction. Hmmmm.
Now to do my homework. Thanks!
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
"Chuckle, no not working in the sense that he is not moving towards me... "
My personal opinion...
What you are doing is not working because.. you are going at it with the wrong attitude and expecting too much.
"I think it is more of a timing issue."
I will assure you it is. When you find yourself "bombed" you go into "lifesaving" mode. This is what kills everything you try and do/say. Hence all the GAL talk in the book/DB.com. GAL is a tool for you to use to remove yourself from the situation. Basically take your "Emotion" out of the situation. My thought is you have not hit on a solid GAL activity. The idea behind the GAL activity is that while you are doing it.. you forget about your stitch. Going out with friends.. usually is not a great GAL activity.. just because you see other couples.. happy? For someone who has been a recluse all their life.. well it could be ok. Or if you go out you challenge yourself to find someone "interesting". I don't see anything wrong with that. As long as you don't let it get out of hand. GAL activity should take you out of your "comfort zone".
"But I don't think trying to take care of myself and look nice when I see him is a bad thing."
To a point.. yes. But if you look nice expecting a "reaction" and then get disappointed when you don't get one.. it is unproductive. Get dressed up and look nice for you.. and your admiring "public". Feed your ego on the people that can "see" it. Everything that you "know" about your H.. changed when he "bombed" you. Don't go with what you know.. be different. That can change things.
"Thank you for reminding me of that. I promise to work on the why's?"
I can wait.
"Why can't they be?"
Our "wishes" are usually an outcome of the situations we find ourselves in. Our "Emotions" color those "wishes". If right now he said.. I am done with her.. I want you back. Would you really be happy.. forever?
"Happiness for me, for him, for our children. Family?"
I told you I am a stickler for words. Notice who comes first in that statement.
"However, the longer that the boat is detached, the farther away it gets and may not even move in the right direction. Hmmmm."
And that would point to the fact that you did not "detach" the boat at the right time. Again.. your planning sucked. You just threw the ropes into the boat.. not seeing that big wave coming. From what I have read.. you don't have papers(Big D). He is talking to AOW (another Woman). So right now your goal.. in my opinion.. is to prepare yourself for papers. When/if you get them.. I wanna "see" you smile and accept them. Think outside of what you are doing right now. You can turn my silly analogy on me if you want. Expect that I will turn it back on you.
To me.. this is a walk of YOU.. and who YOU want to be. I am just here to distract you and make you think.
#1.. Find a GAL Activity that removes you from "this".
#2.. Play up some of the "Admiring Public".. Don't take it too far.
#3.. Focus your happiness.. not on what he thinks.. but what makes you happy.
#4.. Remember.. you can change things. They may not resemble that "Perfect Life".. but you can get dam* close.
